Caroline's Cries

Chapter 20

Jake's POV

I was desperately trying to hold onto the girl that I loved, afraid that even if I moved a tiny bit I would lose her completely. 

The hospital was silent except for the beeping on her heart monitor. She quietly sat next to me, her big green eyes looking curiously at the pictures on her wall. 

Mrs. Bagshaw finally entered the room, giving her a great big hug that made me nervous that she was squeezing the remaining life out of her. They talked for a few moments, talking silently about their family. She hugged her daughter for the last time, wiping her own tears on her shaking hand. 

"I'll let you guys have some alone time." She whispered as she slowly went out of the room. 

"Hey, you still there?" I asked her. 

She nodded her head, pushing it further into my arm. 

"I'm so scared Jake." 

"Hey, don't be scared, you're going to be okay." 

The beeping on the heart monitor started to get slower.

"I'm in so much pain Jake," Her weak voice said. 

"Shhh," I replied, trying to get my tears under control, "Caroline. Everything will be okay." 

"I love you." 

"I love you so much Caroline. You've been my shining light in this dark and scary world. You have been my hope, you have been my peace. And I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that the promises I have made you come true. I love you so very much." 

I looked down and saw her faint smile as the beeping on the monitor started to fade. 

She pulled her weak head up to my face for one final time. 

I kissed her with all the love that I had left inside of me. All the happiness and joy she gave me, I gave it to her back through that kiss. 

"Everything..." 

Beep.. beep.. beep..

"Is going..." 

Beep.. beep..

"To be..." 

Beep..

"Okay."

.........

Her delicate head, once full of life, once full of peace, once full of hope, became limp. It fell onto my shoulder as my tears ran down my cheeks. She was the strongest person I have ever known. She had completely fought until the end. 

I will never forget her. 

I will never not love her. 

I enclosed my hand over her limp and delicate hand.

I love you always. 

I love you forever.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her funeral was a week later. The mom was a mess, but I couldn't blame her. It hurts when you lose someone as amazing and loving as Caroline. 

At the end, after the pastor said his speech and the mom said hers, we got to walk up and see her in her coffin.

I never understood why they do that at funerals, it only makes the feeling worse. Like you know she's in there, but she can't reach her loving hand out and stroke your face.

I slowly walked up and broke down once I saw her lifeless body lying in the coffin, holding flowers. Her favorite flowers to be exact. The same type of flowers that I gave her when I asked her out.

She still had the licorice ring wrapped around her delicate finger. I traced mine with my other hand as more tears began to stream down my face. 

"Heaven got another angel," I said softly, almost as a reassurance to myself. 

Later on that day, after the funeral, I drove to the beach she and I went to together. I ran right up to the water and instantly got pushed down by a wave. 

"You aren't standing perfectly still," She once said, "The water needs to know you aren't a threat."

I stood perfectly still, extending my arms out like a bird so the water would love me as much as it loved her. Tears silently streamed down my face as I recalled memories I made with her.

I saw her at Target in the back-to-school section. She was wearing a ton of makeup and her light hair was swooped up into a messy bun. 

"Are you okay?" I asked as I noticed her on the ground.

"Um... yeah I'm fine... thanks..." she replied. 

"Locker buddy," I winked. 

"I guess it's meant to be," I flirted, which made her blush.

The wind wrapped around our bodies as we joined lips ontop of the mountain, almost as if it were cheering us on. I looked down at her perfect green eyes and smiled. I was the luckiest guy in the world. 

"Promise me that you will do everything you possibly can to follow your dreams?" She asked.

"Yeah, I promise."

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine." 

"You make me happy, when skies are grey."

"You'll never know dear, how much I love you,"

"Please don't take my sunshine..."

"Away," I screamed out on the beach, completing our song that we never got to finish in her hospital room. I wiped my tear-filled eyes and screamed her name. The waves crashed harder against me, but I didn't fall over. It was almost like the ocean was crying and mourning her loss too. 

When I arrived back to my house, my mom hugged me tightly while I cried. I ran upstairs to my room when I saw something on my bed. It was a leather-bound diary. On the front it had, written in blue ink, "Property of Caroline Bagshaw". 

I opened it and read the whole thing. Most of the pages were written about me and her, which made me smile that she cherished those memories as much as I did. 

Her diary was filled with pages about her life. Struggling through cancer, high school, and her relationship with me. The ups and downs, the lefts and rights, and everything in between. 

On the final page, written in red ink, there were 4 words in all caps: 

I LOVE YOU JAKE <3

I traced over the words with my fingers, pulled out a piece of paper and wrote in all caps "I LOVE YOU CAROLINE". 

I ran outside and biked to our stream, tossing the paper in the air and watching it flutter into the Heavens. I felt a hand grasp mine and I squeezed it tightly. 

She got my message.