Caroline's Cries

Chapter 11

Caroline's POV

"Your turn." Jake said as he moved his chess piece. 

We were sitting outside next to our stream playing chess together. We weren't in my house, where we normally would go, because of Jerry. 

I moved my piece and looked up at him, the sun shone on his face and made his eyes appear magical. 

"Your turn." He said again while laughing, obviously noticing me checking out his eyes. 

I sighed and faced towards the stream. The bright blue sky was filled with big, puffy clouds. The sun was shining above the cluster of clouds and reflected onto the water, making it look like something out of a fairytale story. 

"Wouldn't it be lovely to have a house here?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess. But it's still your turn." 

"With dogs and children running around," I fantasized, "And a garden." 

"That would be amazing." He agreed. 

"Yeah, yeah it would." I moved my chess piece and secretly imagined me and Jake jumping through the stream ontop of the rocks with our kids, picking them up when they stumble and fall. 

He burst my thought bubble and reached over to put his hand on my forehead. I gave him a confused look and he pulled his hand away and moved his piece. 

"Checkmate." I laughed. 

"Caroline, you feel warm. Are you sure you should be out here, exposed in the sun?"

I rolled my eyes again, "Jake stop. I'm fine." 

"I'm just worried." 

"But you aren't my dad, so stop acting like one." I blurted out. 

"Caroline," He answered softly, "I'm just a concerned boyfriend. Don't you think your body might react poorly to you randomly stopping your chemo treatments?" 

"No, I really don't. I'm not going to die anymore so there's no point in continuing it." 

"But it could get worse." 

"But it isn't," I replied while moving my piece and winning the game, "I won!"

"I know I'm not your dad," He started up again, "But I'm just worried that we-"

"If you know you aren't my dad then knock it off, Jake. I'm fine. Honestly." 

He inhaled sharply and calmly said "I spoke to your mom the other day, over the phone, and she wants me to get you to take chemo again."

"Wow, so I have my mom and boyfriend ganging up on me now." 

"No," he said while grabbing my hand, "I'm just concerned about you Caroline. Why can't you understand that it might get worse? You went from going for regular treatments to none at all. That's not healthy. Please try to understand that." 

"You aren't the cancer patient," I replied while yanking my hand away, "And I want a boyfriend, not a dad." 

"I'm not trying to be your dad. If you don't want me to care about you, I won't."

I got on my bike and started riding away, ignoring his remark.

I hardly biked for 1 minute when he shouted after me, "Maybe we shouldn't even be together either." 

"Yeah," I shouted back, "Whatever." 

"Don't even bother calling me." His shaky voice called out.

"Don't bother texting me, let alone talk to me in public." I screamed back. 

I heard him blow his nose and pedal away on his bike. As soon as I got to a spot where I knew I was far away enough so he couldn't see me or hear me, I burst into tears. I cried so hard my whole body shook and I had to stop biking and sit down on the grass to cry. 

I cried all the way home, trying my best to not fall off. 

When I got home I ran over to my mom and cried in her arms. I didn't even have to tell her with my exact words what happened. I just cried and she hugged me with a frown, almost like she knew what had happened. 

Jerry came over and tried to hug me but I stomped on his foot and ran into my room. I heard him let out a wail of pain but I didn't care. I locked my door and cried under my blanket. 

I never had to experience heartbreak or a breakup before. I watched movies, of course, where the girls in the movies ate unrealistic amounts of ice cream and didn't shower for days after their breakup. I used to laugh at those girls. But now, experiencing what I was going through now, dealing with the pain and regret that I lost my love, I was reacting the same way those girls were. 

It felt like a knot in my stomach, and a heavy chain on my heart. It felt like a dozen knives had pierced through my soul, sending a spiral of emotions everywhere. 

The only way I could let out those emotions were through my tears.

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Jake's POV

It's been a week since Caroline and I broke up. It's been a week without seeing her happy smile, hearing her laughter, seeing the ray of sunshine she seems to bring along with her wherever she goes. 

At school she totally ignored me. She would walk away from her locker when I walked up to mine. After school, she would sit alone on the bus. 

The day of her birthday, I picked up my phone without thinking and started typing out "Happy 17th" With a dozen happy-birthday emojis. But then I remembered that she probably wouldn't care. She was probably angry at me. Did she even care? She acted like she didn't care when she rode away from me on her bike. I wanted to ride after her, swoop her up in a big hug and say I was sorry. But she didn't listen to me before, she didn't listen to me CARING about her health. She didn't seem to care about the fact that she and I may not even have a future if she keeps ignoring her chemo treatments. If she didn't seem to care or listen to me about her health, why would she care or listen to me about our relationship? 

I missed her so much. Conner and my other guy friends knew about this, and tried hooking me up with other girls.

"No thanks," I would say. I didn't want to move on, especially this soon. That seemed a little ridiculous to me. 

Who knew that one name could mean so much to someone? Could have such a powerful lasting effect on someone? Could bring, happiness, sadness, anger, or remorse? 

I miss her.