Breaking Point (Sequel)

Chapter 20

Sara's POV

The ride home from the funeral service was just as quiet as the ride there. I haven't seemed to stop crying all day and I can see the way its affecting the people around me. Every time I look at Anne, she seems to be finally composing herself until we lock eyes and then the tears return. 

We invited family and close friends over to our house after the funeral for refreshments and socializing. As much as I didn't want to, I knew it would be good for me to finally start engaging in conversation that wasn't entirely saddening. We were the first ones back at the house and soon after, cars began pulling up behind us, taking up most of the street. I could feel Harry's hand grab my arm, stopping us before we entered the house.

"I want us to put aside our problems for the time being that everyone is here but we need to talk after." Something in his voice told me that we were finally going to talk about everything that has happened, even if it meant the things I didn't want to hear. I nodded with a lump in my throat and we proceeded to enter the house.

I grabbed some water from the kitchen and soon felt the urge to sink to my knees and just be alone. I had a habit of wanting to be alone. Before I had any more time to think, people started to approach me. As hard as it was, I put a small smile on my face and tried to make conversation with the people around me. I tried to not make it obvious that I was secretly searching for Harry, he always knew the right thing to say, evident in the beautiful speech he gave today. 

"How are ya holding up?" Samantha asked. I hadn't talked to Samantha since the hospital and I was overcome with guilt as I turned around to face her.

"Good." I lied. I can feel tears forming in my eyes as I spoke. She took the glass of water that I had and placed it on the counter before pulling me into her arms.

"Oh Sara." She rubbed circles on my back. "You don't have to pretend for me. I cant imagine what this feels like but you have to know that I'm here for you, I always have and I always will."

"Here, why don't we have a seat for a bit." I hadn't even noticed I was shaking until my hand touched my glass of water, moving the liquid around the cup.

We made our way into the living room where I spotted Harry holding Addison in the corner of the room. His eyes were red and puffy as he engaged in a conversation with his mum. All I wanted to do was go over to him and comfort him. I hated seeing him like this and I wanted to take away all of the pain that was causing him to be like this.

All of a sudden Addison started crying and my motherly instincts kicked in. I was on my feet walking over to Harry in a matter of seconds. "Do you want me to take her?" I outstretched my arms. "She's probably hungry." He hesitated but nodded and handed me the crying baby.

I walked into the empty kitchen to make Addison a bottle. As I searched for the baby formula, I was surprised to find out we didn't have any. I considered my options and made up my mind to just use the milk we had in the fridge. As I searched in the overcrowded fridge, I came across something that caught my eye. Sitting right next to the milk were four cans of baby food. Was Addison really old enough to be taking baby formula? Deciding against it for now, I grabbed the milk and proceeded to fill a bottle.

After Addison was fed, I carried her upstairs to put her down for a nap. As I approached the nursery, I was quickly reminded that I haven't re entered in the room since the day Aiden died. I wasn't sure if I was prepared to enter in the room where my son took his last breaths. At the same time, I couldn't go back downstairs to face Harry and ask him to put our daughter down for nap because her selfish mother was too scared to. 

I pressed my hand to the handle and slowly turned it. I walked into the room one step at a time, looking at the floor. I reached Addison's white crib without making eye contact with anything else in the room. She immediately started to cry the minute she left my arms. I placed my hand on her stomach and moved it in small motions to calm her down. No matter what I had tried nothing was working. I decided to take her out and try to rock her to sleep instead.