Chasing After The Wind [P.JM]

XXIV

Today was not the best, but I had to get through it because there was no other way. My state of mind has been unwell since yesterday that I could barely keep up during the lectures. It was past 9, yet I was still furiously reading almost every page of a certain book. It hardly got in my head, I was so distracted lately. To add up to my own chaos, my phone lit up, showing me a call from Jimin, out of all the people who could call. Great, just great.

I picked up, of course. What was I thinking? I could never ignore him. "Hoseok hyung!" Jimin exclaimed with a hoarse voice. "You called the wrong number." I was fighting my own self to hang up but most of me wanted to keep hearing his voice.

"Hyung, why do you sound like a girl? Oh, maybe I just drank too much." He was drinking, that explains why his voice sounded tipsy. Hanging up without waiting, I called Hoseok afterwards. In no way am I picking him up, he surely would not want me near him.

"Yunseo? You called," Hoseok answered his phone quick enough. "I'm sorry for calling you this late, could you pick up Jimin? He called my number thinking I was you. He's drunk."

"I can't... I'm on a trip out of town right now. Sorry!" He said, making the current situation much worse. What am I supposed to do now? We said our goodbyes, then he hung up. Should I really go?

After some time of walking back and forth in panic, I got the guts to actually go there as he was clearly not sober. Right, I'm doing this as a friend, okay. Taking a deep breath, I dialed his number and asked him where he was. He didn't seem to recognize who I was but he told me a slightly precise location.

He was sitting with his head down outside a cheap tent bar, him being the only one dining. I approached an old lady who was cleaningup and asked if Jimin payed yet. Fortunately, he already did.

I sat on a chair beside him, trying to wake him up as I poke his arm continuously. "Jimin. Wake up." He answered not even a second after I finished talking, "I'm awake."

Jimin shot his head up and looked at me with squinted eyes. His disheveled hair fell over his forehead as he stared. "You're not Hoseok.. ah! Hoseok went on a trip. You? Who are... you?" He suddenly leaned closer, while I avoided him by leaning back.

"Why are you drinking... get up, you have to home." I tried to pull him up, carrying half of his weight as I scurried to the curb to hail a cab. He was sleeping, I think. He slept until we got to his condominium. And the whole time, I kept myself from staring at him — it was really hard not to when I knew nothing was holding me back.

It took quite a while to let him punch in the right passcode but we got in eventually. He collapsed on the couch, but sat up afterwards. Jimin motioned me to sit next to him so I sat with a safe distance between us. He kept looking at me weirdly, but I kept avoiding his gaze.

"Why won't you look at me? Hmm?" He scooted closer, while I tried to get further. It got a little better when he calmed down and just leaned his back on the couch, seeming to relax. "It's sooo hard. This heart, it only puts me through pain, and pain, and pain. But you know what I realized lately?"

"Pain doesn't stop you from growing new feelings. And that's even harder." He sighed exaggeratedly, but I couldn't say a word. I just listened to what he had to say. "Someone new makes me worried, sad, and of course, happy!" He grinned to emphasize his words, making me slightly giggle.

"But then I look inside my heart and it yearns for the same person. It's still her from the past. It's Saerin. It's becoming a part of me and I'm so scared..." Jimin looked up at the ceiling, arms flailing around. "I'm sooo scared!"

"I'm so scared... to hurt Yunseo." His words made me feel an unexplainable feeling, much more when he mentioned my name. "Because... I'm still lost in the past. I still long for Saerin."

no matter how
hard you try,
some things are
irreplaceable.