Chasing After The Wind [P.JM]

XXIX

KIM YUN-SEO'S POV

오후 6시 29 분

Every single day that passed after my birthday just felt horrible. If there was anyone so devastated and remorseful between us, it would most likely be me. Sometimes, I wish I never did that, but then sometimes I also wish I never met him in the first place. It was hurtful, honestly. Not even the word pain can describe it. It's a lot more inside. I could barely sleep or hold back tears during random hours they fall.

I can't even count how many night-out's I had declined just because I never felt well enough to enjoy even eating a full meal. It felt so surreal, I no longer had the man who kept me from feeling lonely. Crowded hallways were once again the loneliest place I could ever be in. I walked out of the university, feeling hollow as ever as I took a bus to my apartment.

Even this home can't make me feel safe anymore. I dropped my bag on the couch and walked over to the vast glass window where I could see a part of this lonesome city. I felt tears unconsciously stroll down my cheeks as I gazed afar blankly. It's always like this —coming at an unexpected time, my tears stain my face.

It was all I could ever think of. And it made my heart break every single time. That hurtful scenery where I realized that falling in love was the most exquisite form of self destruction. At the same time, it could be the best choice you make too. But things aren't always what you think they are. Not every choice that seems right, is right.

I heard the door open and wondered who it could be, as nobody really knew about the passcode. It turns out, it was my mother's secretary. "How do you know my passcode?" I asked her.

She chuckled and said, "It doesn't matter, I'm not going to rob you or anything." I was too tired to fake a laugh so I stayed in place, still gazing out the window. She walked towards me and handed me a box of wine which she handed me. "Is it because of that guy you're always with? Park Jimin?" She muttered. I received it politely but was confused as to why she was giving it to me, so I just placed it on the same table where she put down the box of cake she also brought.

I was quick to turn around upon hearing his name. How did she know? I mean, it's no question that she knew. That's somewhat her work. But I'm screwed if my parents knew as well. "D-Do they know?"

"Don't worry, I didn't tell Mrs Kim." She gave me a reassuring smile. I quickly muttered, "How about—"

"Him too. I didn't tell them." She replied before I could finish my sentence. I wiped off my tears and asked, "How did you know?"

"Minji? He's Minji, right? You know, you should learn better reasoning. I'd say it's quite obvious, Yunseo." She smiled, "Ah. It's crazy how love can make you feel the happiest and then make you feel the worst in a blink of an eye. When I was your age, I did so many awful things just because of love."

"You know, Yunseo-ssi, love should never feel like a constant struggle. It isn't like that. And it was probably so hard for you, wasn't it? It's the hardest decision — choosing between what is right and what makes you happy."

"But sometimes, the only thing to ease the pain is by bandaging it with something a little more painful, which is letting go. It will seem to hurt even more but eventually, you'll free yourself from the painful feeling. Nobody deserves that."

I heaved out a deep sigh, gaze never averted anywhere else, "I know. I already accepted everything, but... why do I still feel the pain?" I turned to her.

"Hey, of course it isn't that easy. Maybe it isn't best to tell you this now, but who knows, maybe it was just the wrong timing that ruined it. Aside from all of that, though, in these times, it's best to just take care of yourself and grow on your own. Maybe soon, you'll be wise enough to know if you found the right kind of love." She stood up and headed to the kitchen, coming back with two wine glasses.

She poured both of us some wine and clinked our glasses. I only took a small sip because even this intoxicating drink that may make me forget the pain wasn't welcomed by my appetite. "What is this cake for?" I asked.

"You didn't get to celebrate your birthday. But I don't think it's too late, so happy birthday!" She grinned at me and gave me a hug. I could smile better now but it was not enough to last me even an hour. Her words made me feel better, though. I'll surely try to reflect on it and maybe I can become a better person after this rainy season of my life.

Even if I think of the brighter side, I still find it hard to turn the page knowing he won't be in the next chapter anymore... But the story must go on.