Dauntless Born: Tris Pedrad

Chapter 29

Edited: 8/10/2020

Four POV:

I still miss Tris so much. We got new transfers to train this year and all I could think about is Tris should be training them with me. I messed up so bad and if she did come back I don't know how we would fix things because she left without saying goodbye and thinking it was all her fault, so I would need to explain that I was jealous, but it was so long ago. 

Beside wherever she is I am sure she has already moved on. Two of my transfers Izzy and Alex remind me of Tris and I. They look so happy together. It's obvious they are close and they are dating. In training yesterday a transfer was flirting with me and it was really stupid. I am not dating anyone and I won't date someone unless it was Tris and I don't know if I would date her at this point. 

Yesterday the Candor girl flirting with me, her name is Kylie she went up to Izzy on the way to the dining hall and got mad at her because she thought I was being nicer to Izzy. Izzy's retort was on point because she had responded back that I wasn't treating her nicer just I was meaner towards Kylie because she was flirting with me and that if she actually tried and worked I would appear less mean. It reminds me of something Tris would say after she told the girl to back off. But Tris wouldn't say that anymore because she broke up with me. 

I remember Izzy falling into the net. She fell just like Tris and I couldn't help but look at her and think of Tris. When I grabbed her hand to help her down it felt like Tris too. For a second I thought she could be Tris, but Tris has blue eyes, longer hair that is not that shade of blonde and does not have freckles. Izzy is not Tris. I guess I was just seeing Tris in the first new girl I met. Besides Izzy is with Alex and anyone can see that she likes him, so it wouldn't work if it was Tris. If Izzy was Tris I wish I would be able to move on like her. I know deep down that I won't love anyone the way I loved Tris. I wish Izzy was Tris, or anyone of my initiates, but it's clear that Tris has left.

When she left all I could think about was how it was my fault. I pushed her away, I was rude and worse of all I acted like everything was her fault. I just wish I was better. I think it was hard starting a relationship though when we both were young. She was 15, she could have left Dauntless, so maybe we both needed to mature some. Wherever she is though I hope she is happy. 

Tris POV:

When I woke up this morning I thought for a second I was in my initiation. I turned to talk to Uriah and or jump on him to wake him up, but when I saw Mathew I remembered everything. It felt nice to forget and be happy for a second, but in truth I wasn't happy before I left and I wasn't happy when I was gone, so I hope I become happier now. 

I want to go to my familys old apartment. I wonder of Uriah or Zeke are staying in it now or if they got rid of all my stuff and the apartment or maybe they just left it exactly the same. Whatever they did do to it, it is to risky to try and get in. It would be just as bad as walking up to one of them and saying "Hey guys it's me Tris, I am back." I will have to wait to maybe one day when I may get to be Tris again, if I ever do. 

Even if I do get to be myself again, I would not technically have passed initation, so would I get thrown out of Dauntless or would doing it as Elizabeth count? I quickly get ready and write Mathew a note saying I went for a run. I worked on even changing my hand writing if for any reason they made me write something and saw it as Tris's. I brush my hair back and lace up my boots and head out the door. When I get out the door I pull my jacket over my tank top because it is very cold. 

I start to run a path that someone new to the compound would run. I also can't risk going to the place in the Chasm I like because if someone saw me down there it would raise to many questions. I run towards the Pit and then I run through and by the Chasm. I stop and look down. It's crazy something so pretty could kill you so easily.