The Hunger Games: Foxface

Chapter Nineteen

The rain lasts a couple of days. My soup stays warm through out, and I make sure not to eat more than I have to. Very ascetic of me, I know, but I need to make sure it lasts until the rain dries. Then I’ll be off to find Katniss and Peeta. I plan to be very close to them, hence Seneca’s note.

There was suddenly a big boom. I’ve been pretty dazed from the steady rain - hypnotized, really, causing me to be in a meditative state. I crawl to the entrance. I’m not sure if it was just thunder or a cannon. As I get closer, I can hear footsteps. I stop exactly where I am on my hands and knees, and listen. It’s definitely Cato. The steps are loud, and sound lost. Through the rain he’s yelling, “I’LL FIND YOU, KATNISS. YOU ARE YOUR BOYFRIEND ARE AS GOOD AS DEAD. THINK I’M NOT STRONG ENOUGH? I JUST STRANGLED THRESH. LOOKS LIKE I’LL BE THE WINNER!” and he’s off through the woods. He must be injured: his voice was pained while he yelled. Also his steps sounded as if he were favoring his left leg. As his footsteps leave, I return to my raised part of my den.

So the boom was a cannon. I close my eyes to pay my respects to Thresh. We never met, but he was from Rue’s district, and he was never hostile when ever I saw him.

An hour later, and the anthem plays. I don’t bother getting up. It will only project Thresh’s face in the sky. I whisper Goodbye, knowing that I will see him soon enough.

Four of us left, which will soon turn to three.

Silence.

My ears strain for any noise.

Nothing. Well, except for the rain drops, nothing.

The downpour stopped so suddenly, the Gamemakers must have pushed the off switch. I look to the entrances, and there is about two inches of water covering the lower part of the ground in front of each entrance. My knees will get wet, but it’s not too bad. Good thing the middle is raised, not lowered. Or else I’d be sitting in four inches of water.

It’s late in the evening. I look out, and the moon is full, and bright; it looks like it is mid-morning. Having a full moon means that we’ve spent an entire week in the Arena. It feels longer than that, but then again, not quite that long. All the days have blurred together. I don’t even know if the days are legitimate days, or just whenever the Gamemakers feel like ending the day. 

I awake, and it’s morning. One of the brightest, most cheerful days yet. But something feels wrong. I get out of my cave and look to the trees. There are mockingjays. It’s time. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I open them, I ask the birds, “Where to?” They just repeat me. Then, they all fly up and head to the west. I follow.

The birds finally fly high enough where I can hardly see them, and then they fly off into different directions. “Okay…” I breathe. I stop walking and look around. There are pine trees and plenty of needles on the ground. To my right, I hear stomping, and a second person walking quietly. I duck behind a tree and look. Peeta’s stomping - his leg is cut badly. Although it’s not infected it still looks painful. Katniss looks very upset about the noise Peeta makes. She must be trying to hunt and protect him at the same time. Just watching them, it’s obvious Peeta is sincere about being in love with Katniss, although she doesn’t see it. But whenever she gives him an exasperated look, there is something else. Yes, that’s it! Katniss is starting to fall for him. The acting that she must have been doing is making real feelings for Peeta. I silently smile to myself. The Rebellion is going to love this! … Along with the Capitol. 

They decide to separate. Peeta comes my way, and Katniss the other. I look up, and a mockingjay flies above Peeta and above the trees, singing a well-known tune from home. The tune is from a lullaby about doing whatever means necessary to help those you love. The tune is telling me to follow Peeta, and I do.

Every now and then, they exchange a whistle. Back and forth, back and forth. I stay about 20 feet from Peeta, enough to jump in if I have to. Peeta stops and opens the pack. He takes out the food and lays it in a picnic. My stomach starts to rumble. The excitement about following the birds has left me with out food. I finished everything last night after the rain, expecting to be able to pick some food later. 

My stomach will keep growling unless I eat something. And their food looks so delicious. There are rolls, apples, and cheese. Cheese. That delicacy is my favorite food. I can’t take a lot though, just enough so it won’t raise any suspicions… Peeta starts to wonder off, and I grab two finger-tip size pieces. I eat them with immense satisfaction. If only I received this in my pack… I look over to where Peeta is at. My heart stops. For two reasons:

1. He’s coming back over here.

2. He’s carrying nightlock.

Luckily I’m still standing, so I dash over to the bush he was at. Just the fast movement has made me dizzy. I gulp some water, even though I know it won’t help. My malnourishment is finally registering. My high pain tolerance - and simple stubbornness and ignorance - wouldn’t allow me to notice how sick I was becoming. As I crouch, I look at myself for the last time. My arms are sticks. So are my legs. My once fitted hoodie has become at least one size too big. I take off my shoes - I won’t be needing them. I can see the bones in my feet as well in my hands. I’m sure my face is extremely hollow. I’m suddenly filled with embarrassment. How could I have let myself get to this point? Maybe Celeste was right - I can’t live off an apple. Katniss’ panicked yelling stops me from thinking about myself. I give my head a slight shake and I grab some berries, waiting to put them in my mouth. I’m not sure if Katniss knows that these are the world’s most poisonous berries, but she’ll know soon enough.

I hear Katniss yelling about the cheese. Guess I took too much, but hey, I’m about to commit suicide to save them, and it buys me time. Katniss is looking at them, so it’s now or never. Once these berries touch my tongue, I’m dead. I take a deep breath. I look around me. I notice the different types of birds. The tracks from other animals. The way the wind flows through the trees, fluttering the leaves. The way the needles and soil feel under my bare feet. In the thirty second moment, I am suddenly back to the Old Me. The Old Me took time to acknowledge the beauty of the world. The Old Me was able to lounge around in the desert, watching the snakes, lizards, hares, and mice running about. I miss the Old Me. But now, I'm the New Me. I look back down to the berries in my hand. This is the New Me. The girl who will sacrifice her life in hopes that her sister will never have the fear of being reaped. Or having to go through the process that I have gone through. In hope that my father will never lose another daughter to the Hunger Games of Panem.

Right before I let the berries touch my tongue I say my goodbyes:

“Goodbye, Papa. Goodbye, Phoebe. Goodbye, Ember. I love you all so so much. Please forgive me.”