Breathing Blues

Live By That

42 -

As I sighed and looked at the window, it was morning.

Oh god.

I'm so pathetic.

I wore a t-shirt and made myself some coffee while sitting on the kitchen platform. The bell rang.

It's him.

I so know this.

I walked towards the door and opened it a little seeing who is it, it's him. I flicked the door open.

"Woah, good sight", he looked at me up and down and I stared at him. "I was being honest", he shrugged and I chuckled.

"Get you ass in", I said as he walked past me and I turned the door close.

"So, what's up?", he asked me while I lit up a cigarette.

"Don't know, don't care", I shrugged.

"Yeah?", he raised a brow.

"Yeah", I took a drag in.

"How did you sleep?", he asked me.

"Perfect", I lied. "How was your recording?", I asked.

"Perfect", he replied.

"Okay", I nodded.

"Can I get a hug, Vaid?", Darshan asked and I got up with him, as I stepped closer and hugged him.

My grip tightened and I nudged my nose in his shoulder as my eyes started watering because I didn't sleep all night. I couldn't stop I just melted right there until I stopped and he carried me to the bed.

"I feel so bad. I feel like, I just feel ridiculous. I feel like I'm shit. It happened because I was smoking", I wiped my eyes as Darshan put his arm around my waist.

"I know", he caressed my forehead. "You didn't sleep", he said.

"No, I didn't", I told him.

"Okay, sleep", he forced my eyes shut and stroked my face until I fell off asleep.

*

"What time is it?", I yawned. "Wait, did you just clean this place up?", I looked around.

"Yeah, Darshan you're a wonderful boyfriend, I love you so much. I know babe", he said and I giggled. "Come we'll get something in your stomach, oh wait Darshan you cooked. Oh my god, you're perfect", he said and I covered my mouth with my palms laughing.

He set Khichdi on the table and I sat there as he fed me.

"I can eat. I just had an emotional breakdown", I said.

"Yeah because you were going through things", he said and gave me the spoon as I took it and held the bowl taking small bites of Khichdi.

"Thanks", I said.

"What did the doctor say?", he asked me.

"It happened because I was smoking too much and also because I wasn't healthy as the chromosomes in the baby were damaged. Chromosomes are what determines the eye color and hair of the baby", I told him. "I don't want to talk about it anyway", I dumped a spoonful of rice in my mouth.

"I don't really know what am I supposed to say over here", Darshan said and I looked at him before chuckling.

"You can chill really. Sometimes I'm intense. I'll be good and be back in a while", I told him, exhaling deeply.

"I don't know but I feel like I'm suppose to say something. Something positive or something supporting, like it affected you right? The miscarriage", he said.