A Girl's Diary

11.24.12

November 24, 2012. Saturday. 16:55

Dear Diary,

I talked to him last night; I'm so desperate to talk to him that I needed someone to talk to him first before me. I don't know what they talked about but I asked her to tell him what are my feelings. I'm really grateful because the person who helped me is such a nice friend. She convinced him to accept my request again and to talk to me. When he accepted my request, I was shocked to see that he was hurt by my actions. I feel so childish and stupid for blocking and unfriending him. In my defense, I thought that it would be the best for me to do that because I'm tired of crying. But after some moments, I regretted everything. And that I have the guts to lie to him telling that one of my friend blocked him. I admit. I'm the stupidest person ever born in this world. I was shocked because I never thought that it would hurt him. I thought I'm not important to him anymore and he doesn't mind at all! But I read his tweets to my friend and he admitted that he was indeed hurt. And I'm really sorry for doing those things. I'm regretting for doing it because I hurt him more--I hurt us both instead of healing each other's wounds. And I'm thankful to him because he understands me. And that he's way too kind to be mine. I don't deserve him anymore and that I'm really letting him go this time. Even if it'll hurt, I agreed and decided to do it because it'll be the beat for the both of us. And that I still have the chance to keep him, even just as a friend. Although I may not be contented with what I have with him right now, I should learn how to appreciate things and only time can tell what will happen to us.

I made a deal with him. And I was hoping that he'd still consider it or he'll keep it. I got this idea from one show. So as a Korean, he has to serve the army for two years. And if he goes out of the army without any girlfriend, and me without a boyfriend, we'll take that as a sign that we're meantj for each other and that we won't let go of each other anymore. I'm glad I made a deal with him. although I know that I shouldn't dwell that much on it, a little space in my heart has this tiny hope that one day, we'll end up together.

Sincerely, 

Me. xx