Turning The Page

Fifty One

"You got jealous just now, huh?" the look on Aurie's face makes me feel like my world is spiraling out, his words cutting so very deep with the fact that he must have caught the look on my face when I had to hand Cricket his phone back...

"No! I-I promise I'm not a bad friend, I would never-" I do my best to try and avert the crisis, the worry that I've offended him by broadcasting my emotions just as painful as having those emotions at all because I know I really shouldn't be jealous that Cricket and Harper have already started their family... I should be happy for them... But Aurie cuts me off with a gentle raise of his hand and a soft smile meant only for me. 

"I get it. I get jealous sometimes too, and it's okay... It's okay to want what you don't have as long as you're able to let the hurt go instead of clinging to it." He's so calm right now, and his offering of comfort catches me off guard... I was fully expecting a scolding for getting jealous, not a reassurance that my feelings are normal... And it leads up to the question...

"You get jealous of Cricket having kids too?" The words drop out of my mouth without much thought and my friend's smile turns sad, a glance being shot over to where our mates sit, Lukas's eyes on Aurie and Daddy's eyes on me...

"I get jealous of everyone who has kids... Lukas and I tried... But after a couple of heats and no baby we found out that my health issues have pretty much made me infertile, and we're waiting on a surgery that might help..." Watching Aurie's eyes go misty as he vocalizes his pain brings on a new batch of tears of my own, and I find myself reaching out to grab his hand to give it a squeeze... Because if Daddy's paying any attention to the conversation through my eyes he'll be more than willing to lift the ban on not letting anyone else touch me just for a moment or two so Aurie knows he isn't without support, "I... It's hard... But you've just got to remind yourself that it'll eventually happen... And for you... It'll happen sooner than you think and BabyBug and I will be having to come visit you in Massachusettes to visit our little nieces and nephews! Oh my god, our kids can be best friends! We can make them spend the summers together and everything! And if you don't have kids right away maybe me and you can get pregnant at the same time, and when their older we can make Cricket's babes babysit! So no more tears, you got that?"

Somehow my friend manages to turn my support right back around on me, and the bolstering he gives me is soothing as we both grab a few napkins to wipe our faces off, a slight pause given just after he wipes under his eyes and checks it, "Shit... My mascara ran a little bit... Addy do I have streaks on my face?"

"If I'm honest I didn't even realize you had makeup on- I don't think you have steaks?" I mean other than the trails left by his tears... Though when I look closer I can actually make out a slight grey-ish tint to the glistening on his cheeks.

"You look perfect, now will you come back here and let me hold you?"

...

Silas

...

It seems as though I'm not the only one missing the feel of his Princess settled in his lap, Lukas calling out to Aurie to cut short any further of the emotionally charged conversation that had happened only a few feet away from us... 

At first, I had thought Cricket had been jealous of being left out with how he had kept his eyes trained on my sweet Bean and Aurie... But with how he smiles and pats Aurie on the shoulder when they make their way back over to us I know that that isn't the case... He was just concerned... And it's touching... But I'm not allowed to dwell on it as my sweet Princess presents himself in front of me waiting for me to open my arms so he can tumble back into my lap where he belongs.

The cuddle I get is such a sweet one... One that makes it almost impossible to notice when the waitress stops at our table to drop off waters for all of us and get the food orders... And even when I do manage to pull my face out of my Baby Boy's hair I pull a blank on what either one of us wants and ends up just asking for the first burger my eyes land on, burgers being one thing thats nearly impossible to mess up... And then just as she's about to walk away something pops into my mind at the last minute, "Oh! Make sure one of them is well-done, please. No pink at all." Because we have been going at it as much as we can and he could already be pregnant... Especially with his body in overdrive the way it is... 

"Thank you, Daddy..." My delicate Mama gives me a quick kiss to the cheek before settling his beautiful body more firmly against mine after the waitress nods, adjusts what she has written down on her order pad, and walks away. 

"You okay?" Cricket beats me to the punch asking my beautiful Bean if he's feeling maybe a tiny bit better from the oddly heartbreaking pep talk Aurie had given him... And it reminds me of the way Quinn and Casper tend to cut me off when the two of them get excited and talk over each other... 

I try not to let myself dwell on thoughts of what we would have been doing at home on any given day outside of my Nugget's heat, and instead focus on my precious Bean's answer, "I'm okay... I just can't wait till I have babies of my own."

"Enjoy your peace while it lasts... You'll never be able to take a calm road trip ever again. There was this one time Aurie and I were touring and we were all on the bus, Charlie included, and I kid you not he somehow managed to smear pureed peaches everywhere. Right under our noses. I'm talking like even on the underside of the bunk beds-" Cricket launches into a tirade over how hard it apparently is to scrub off dried pureed peaches off of leather interior, and it leaves us all with smiles on our faces as we try not to laugh while he gets lost in his fond memory, his chuckles almost as amusing as the story itself.