Turning The Page

Ninety One

When Addy is finally able to be coaxed into sitting up for me he does it in a fashion that makes the rest of the world very simply... fall away... And after a moment of doing nothing more than taking in the way he keeps his head still slightly dipped, his bottom lip being chewed so nervously... Watching him retreat so slowly... Watching as he feels more and more disgruntled with each millimeter of space put between our torsos... It makes the chatter in the room all but melts away, and the feeling of tension between Alic, Pop, and I no longer has any residency in my mind... I'm too occupied trying to figure out how to function when presented with my Princess, glassy-eyed, and trusting me enough with his safety to come out of hiding just like I asked him to.

When my gentle mate pulls himself from where he had kept himself tucked against me he does it so shyly that I nearly stop functioning all together... I've seen him behave all fluffy and sweet while still in headspace before... I've ever seen him be a bit shy with me or around Liam and the guys... But seeing him right now is so different... He is more than just blushy... It's how he looked that first morning at North Pine... When he woke up and realized who I was and what I was doing in his bed... Why I was holding him... And the preciousness of it freezes my soul in place because it's a side of him that I've not seen much of... But it's the first side of himself I ever experienced... And seeing him like this again makes me want to wrap my arms around him and pull him back into the position he was in before so I can shield him and cherish him to bits and pieces.

His shyness in it's extreme is so stunning to me... The way one of his hands floats so hesitantly up from where he had his palms cradling his beautiful belly so he can ball it into a loose fist that gets shoved under his chin in the most adorable way possible... His eyelashes fluttering away as he tries to pick a place on the floor to focus on so he won't have to see the faces of everyone he thinks is staring at him... So he won't accidentally meet Daddy's eyes...

As much as I would love to see his breathtaking baby blues pop against the redness of his delicate cheeks I know that it would be just a bit too overwhelming for him and if he gets any more nervous that nervousness is going to melt into anxiety and he'll start to drop... Something that I know both of us would find worse than him being stuck in his small space... Watching him drop is awful... And feeling it through our link is even worse... Especially when there isn't anything I can do to truly soften the landing when he feels like he's drowning... Him going through a drop while out and about is absolutely a bad scenario that I would rather avoid... And I know that to make sure that doesn't happen that I need to go ahead and measure my pretty Mama's curls, but I feel frozen in place staring at him while he shivers in my lap all curled in on himself

And it makes me wonder if maybe... Maybe that first morning he had been shocked into being a bit small waking up and finding himself wrapped up and cozy right where he belongs... And that's why he had been so hesitant to lean into me then... He hadn't known that I'd take care of that side of him... That I'd take care of all sides of him...

But he knows now... That he can trust me... That even though he wants to hide right now that he doesn't have to... And the fact that he does trust me enough... Even after this week when I was so oblivious to how much of his heat he was actually keeping to himself... My sweet boy trusts me... And I don't think I will ever have the words to explain to him the attachment I feel... How much I value the time he gives me... And even if I did I think I'd be too emotional to try and say it out loud...

I know I don't need to say it out loud though... My sweet Bean will feel it... Because this week we grew just a bit... And there isn't a need for barriers between us. He has full access to me because I just like he knows he can trust me when he is fragile... I know that I can trust him to tell me if and when he gets overwhelmed by my grouchiness or sour thoughts... I know I can trust him with all of me, just like he trusts me with all of him.

...

Adrian

...

It feels like my heart is trying to pound out of my chest... Daddy's just staring at me... And he appreciates that I sat up... But it feels like everyone else is staring at me too... I know that they shouldn't be... And that a lot probably aren't... But it feels like they are and I don't really like it... I would much rather be pressed up against Silas's chest, my face hiding in the crook of his neck so I can suck on the spot that makes me feel better and have Daddy rubbing my back again...

Before I can start to panic though... I feel Daddy's hand as he cups my cheek just enough to lift my face so he can press his lips against mine and make me melt back into my clouds so peacefully... Because Daddy's got me...

The kiss is brief but it's enough to settle my soul just long enough for Daddy to unfurl the tape measure and press it against me, making minor adjustments being guided by a voice that sounds just a little too far away for it to make any real sense to me... All I can focus on is the feel of Daddy's fingers as he plays with my hair just a bit to help keep me calm... And then before I know it...

"Eleven and a half inches."

And it's done.