Turning The Page

102

It doesn't take me very long at all to get us packed up and ready to go, but when it comes time to turn around and wake my sweet sleepy Bean up I almost can't bring myself to do it with how I find him all cuddled up in the fluffy white comforter with that adorable smile on his face that lets me know that he is indeed having happy dreams, more of the same kind of dreams that he's been having the last few days... Dreams of us and the little Nugget he's busy growing.

It seems a bit rude to wake him up... But at the same time, I know I can't leave him in here to go load the car, or carry him to the car first and leave him there to come back for the suitcase and the bags. Not that I would even be able to, not with how both halves of me feel so much more protective than normal over our mate... Because he isn't just our mate anymore... He's the mother of our children, and right now it's extremely likely that the reason he's so sleepy is because he's busy growing our baby...  A baby that neither one of us can wait to meet. 

I find myself instead wondering just how hard it might be to carry Addy and the luggage again, even though the first time it wasn't hard per se... Just somehow he managed to make his crocheted projects even bigger in the week that we've been here between us making love near constantly and being required to be 'distraction-free' during the meetings and now its a bit more awkward with how bulky his craft bag is when slung around my shoulder... 

I'm almost tempted to peek inside and take a look at his progress, but I know that I'll end up being teary-eyed seeing baby stuff so soon after coming to believe that my beautiful mate is walking around with a baby in his belly that we purposefully laid down and made... Or rather... Stood up and laid down and pressed each other up against things while smearing cake all over each other... But still. We purposefully made a life together... And that means something... 

We feel closer to each other and more connected now... And not just because we've combined DNA... It's because even in the midst of all of our stress that we've been under... We still loved each other enough to not find it in ourselves to wait. I couldn't ever have dreamed of asking Addy if we could try this week with both of us pulling our hair out over the thought of having to separate, and even just having to be here in the first place... But he looked at me a week ago with tears in his eyes and told me that we couldn't let this go by... That he couldn't ignore his heat or how badly he wanted to start a family and nowhere in my mind did I have any misunderstanding of what he meant. He didn't want to delay the kind of happiness we want... Or our family. It hurt too much for either of us to consider and he is the one who said it out loud... I trusted him to tell me what he wanted and he did, even though he knew it wasn't going to be easy or comfortable. He knew he could be honest about what he wanted, just like he always has been with me and I can't express to him out loud how much I appreciate how close we are. 

It's why I know that even though I don't want to wake him up, I know I need to wake him up just enough to get my Sweet Pea to slide the lightest bag over his shoulder before he can nod off again in my arms... And why I know he won't be upset with me because he told me to wake him up when it was time even though we both knew he wouldn't actually want to wake up until he's ready... 

I know that if I wake him up the way I want to wake him up that we won't end up on the road anytime soon, so I settle with sliding onto the bed and pulling him up against my chest so he can get a nose full of his Daddy's scent, his beautiful nose crinkling just a bit before he worms his way closer, my hand finding his hair to caress it just for a moment... Just long enough for my sweet Mama to start coming to enough for him to start clinging to me with all of those adorable whimpers he gives me when he isn't ready for nap time to be over.

...

Adrian

...

"D-Daddy... No..." Telling Daddy know seems wrong and foreign to me every time that it happens, even if it is just telling him that I am not ready for my naptime to be over... Especially not with how warm and cozy it is in bed with him holding me... I want him to keep playing with my hair but I know that it isn't likely to happen if he has actually stuff in mind... In this case, getting out of this place as fast as possible so we can get home and start nesting for little Sj's arrival... 

I know that it's important for us to get home... And I really do want to get going... 

But I'm sleepy... And this feels cozy... And Daddy smells good...

All I want is thirty more minutes and him holding me close... Because sleep in the car isn't really the same as getting to cuddle for a few minutes longer in order to really burn into our memories the bed we slept in the week our baby was conceived, if for nothing other than trying to make these memories a bit more special... So I can keep the warmth that had been and still is pooling in my belly this week in order to warm me up and keep our little baby all comfy and cozy and feeling safe.