Turning The Page

101

"Did you have fun, Princess?"  The way Daddy whispers to me I know that the only reason we stayed for as long as we did at the party is because he wanted to give us a chance to say a proper goodbye to our newest friends... And also so we could people watch just a bit... I loved seeing all of the parents act like parents... I loved seeing the interaction between them all... It was just like when I was little and used to people watch when Grammy would take me to read in the park... 

Except this time... I didn't need to imagine that it was me running up to my parents and having them be overjoyed, catching me up and hugging me tight... I know that I'm already right where I belong, and even if I never got to have that moment with my parents that I can remember... I know that one day I'll share a moment like that with Silas and our own little Nugget and I know that it will be every bit as special as I used to spend hours daydreaming it would be... And even more special than that because... This time around... It's me doing the scooping up and being proud, and I never intend to not be there that way for our babies... There won't be anything that ever takes me away from them if I can help it because I know what it's like to know that no matter how badly you want your Mom and Dad to hold your hands and tell you that everything will be okay that nothing can bring them back when they are gone, whether or not the abandonment was intentional... And I don't want our kids to ever know what that feels like. 

"Yes, Daddy. I had fun. Thank you." The words are muffled as they float into the crook of his neck, the way he's carrying me shifting slightly so he can manage to squeeze my bottom after pressing the button for the elevator, the two of us being the only ones to get on because everyone else is still enjoying their dinners at the party... With the exception of Aurie and the guys who had also left around the same time as us because they would rather eat in their room to enjoy their last night out and about without working and I can't say that I blame them... The times that we have gotten to really talk about what they do for a living had been cut short every time and I feel awful about not listening more... But from what they did tell me... It isn't often that they have the chance to take an entire week off and not worry about a show or fans or cleaning up baby food on their tour bus... I can completely understand wanting to take advantage of their last night of having free time. 

...

Silas

...

"What was your favorite part?" I ask the question while we wait for the elevator to deliver us up to the right floor and it takes about that long for my Sweetheart to really think about the question before he answered... And at first, I am a bit confused as to why it's taking him so long to figure it out on the inside... Until I take a peek and realize he's considering my question in the sense of from when we first got here... 

And I feel no urge to correct him... Because I am actually curious to know if he thinks any of what happened this week can be marked as his favorite moment here... I know that it'll probably be something in regards to meeting his friends in person and getting to know them a bit better... Or possibly getting to be around Becky, Collin, and Noah this week when we normally only see them once a month for our working dinners at the packhouse... 

But as we draw closer and closer to our room he stays silent, and I do my best to try and give him space in his head to figure it out without being self-conscious or feeling like he needs to edit himself to try and keep me from seeing just how uncomfortable he's been this week first hand because he knows I feel guilty still over him feeling uncomfortable at all when I should have been taking care of hid needs instead of focusing so hard on my own anxiety over having to be here in the first place... 

My sweet Addy-Baby taking his time to search his mind to try and figure out what part of our honeymoon was actually honeymoon-ish enough for him to enjoy doesn't stop me from rubbing his gentle back on the way to our door up until I need that hand to reach into my back pocket, Addy holding himself up by clinging to me just like he always does, tighter than a second skin, so I can swipe our key and let us into what has served as our temporary home away from home and usher us into a very different sense of relief than what we've felt in here all week... A genuine relief because we know it's finally over... And we get to go home as soon as I can get our stuff all packed up...

"Do you really want to know?" The way Addy smiles at me when I set his sweet ass on the bed before pulling off his borrowed sweats and folding them in half and set them at the edge of the bed for him to wear again when its time to go, the kiss I get when leaning over and tuck him in short but stunning. 

"Of course I do, Baby. Tell Daddy." I love seeing the flush rise in his cheeks... The shy way he tilts his head while smiling back at me before lowering his beautiful baby blue... It strikes me right through the heart each and every time and it's hard to remind myself that I need to stay out of bed if I intend to actually get us ready to leave this hellscape that is known as Florida. 

"My favorite part of this week... Is when you got me pregnant, Silas. I know we don't know yet... And that we won't know what time it was or even really what day... But it is the most special part... To me anyway..."