Turning The Page

Thirty Five

The way Adrian starts to sob after his declaration breaks my heart, the way he curls into me having lost the sexual intensity with his grief being the one thing that finally breaks his fever, his heated shivers morphing into the kind of shaking that comes with a hard cry... I don't have to ask Levi to leave the room, he takes it upon himself to duck out after discreetly letting me know that he'll be waiting on the terrace of our room to give us some privacy... Something for which I am grateful. There wasn't time for much more than that with my first priority being my watery Bean, one hand leaving him only long enough to turn the knob of the shower more towards warm than freezing now that his body isn't trying to boil him alive. 

"D-D-Daddy, please! P-Please... I-I c-can't d-do it! D-Don't make me take the pills! I-I'd r-rather... I-I don't want to give up our baby for this!"My Baby Boy's sobs leave me shaken as he clings to me, my hand coming back so I can rub his back and rock us back and forth in and out of the now lukewarm water to try and soothe him enough to actually listen to me when I answer him and also to keep his fever on the rapid decline out of his system, "I-I w-w-want k-kids m-more than I w-w-want to be a-a L-Luna!"

It takes a while, but eventually, his sobs morph into sniffles, and I approach the subject as gently as I can to try and keep him from losing the rest of his sanity, his grip around my waist may be the only thing tethering him here in this moment while he drowns in the sorrow consuming him over the thought of finally going into heat when both of us are so so ready to start our family... When both of us are so so ready to actually have a family... As my sweet Bean had put it the other day... One with a Mommy and a Daddy... The way he had said the words as we laid tangled up in bed had made me crush him to me as tightly as possible with how emotional it had made me... 

...

Adrian

...

"Princess... My sweet Baby... I would never make you take anything you didn't want to... Shh..." The way Silas continues to rock us back and forth does wonders to soothe my offended aching soul as he croons the words I absolutely needed to hear from him, "It's your body, Baby... You always have the final say on what happens to it. Always... You hear me?  You don't have to take the tablets if you don't want to..."

His words break down the walls that I had slammed into place the moment Dr.Levi had suggested the pills as something unavoidable and heartbreaking and that's all it takes for me to collapse fully into my strong mate as he does his best to soothe my screaming nerves. 

I know rationally I should take them and that another three months isn't that long of a wait... But the anticipation we had both felt for this one had literally kicked my body into high gear... I hadn't ever allowed myself to want kids in the first place but it's like the moment I admitted to myself that I did and still do want enough babies to fill a stadium that I haven't been able to really push it out of my mind... I haven't been able to let it go... Its been so long since Silas and I have been part of an actually healthy family dynamic and I want one so bad... I want the adventures that come with being a parent... I want to know what it feels like to have a precious life growing inside of me as a culmination of mine and their father's love... I want to be a parent... And I don't want to have to wait for my next cycle to start the next phase in our life... I don't want to put our family on hold for the sake of attending the conference neither of us even want to be at that would have left us separated and in distress simply for the sake of making the most of everyone's time here at the resort...

I know I should take the pills but I honestly don't want to... Just waiting for this heat to come had felt like it had taken eternity and a day... I can't imagine how long another three months is going to feel like if we skip this heat... 

"You don't have to take the pills Baby... Not at all... But we need to figure out a way to make sure this heat doesn't hurt you... Okay? You don't have to take anything, okay? We just need to figure out how to help cool you off, Princess... So, no more tears, alright? Daddy's right here and he's got you..."

...

Silas

...

I take my time with my sweet Princess as he finally starts to really calm down now that he understands that I would never force him to take or do anything he didn't want to... I could never hurt him that way... I would never hurt anyone that way... But especially not my beautiful mate. He deserves better than that. 

By the time his tears finally dry up I'm actually able to shut the water off and step out of the tub with my sweet Bean, the towel I use to pat him dry being strung around his waist before I reach for one of my own, his beautiful baby blues watching me as he keeps his hand touching my side in order to help steady himself. I haven't seen him this anxious before... And I've never seen his heart this broken, the mere thought of having to stop his heat too much for him to bear... And I can't blame him... For all of the different ways this had played out his heat had to have happened here at the wrong place and the wrong time... And all I can think is that my sweet little Mama deserves so much better than having some random hotel room be the memory he has of concieving our first child... But if he's able to make peace with it, so am I.