Insecure

The Harsh Reality

        I wait till Seth has pulled off before I run up the steps, practically leaving a trail of dust behind me. I have a perfect record of being home when needed to be so I don't cause trouble for my mother. Who knows what she'll do If she catches me this late. When I checked the time in Seth's car it was already 8:43. I begin to slow down as I realize what could be waiting for me on the other side of the door. 

I bite the inside of my mouth trying to hold down the throw up I surpressed from early. My stomach twist in knots as I let out a shaky breathe. My mother is going to kill me is the last  thought that I have before opening the door. I enter to a pitch black house. The only light in the house comes from the open refriderator door with my mother bent down infront of it. When she hears the door close she looks up, her face instantly turning into a deep frown. 

" Oh, so my mistake decided to come home." She says dryly. She staggers over towards me, I notice her fresh bottle of whisky in her hand. I brace myself for the impact as the distance between us vanishes. She glares down at my small form. She scrunches up her nose before saying, " I was hoping you wouldn't." 

Her words stab daggers into my heart. She bends down to my level so our eyes meet. I can see the coldness hers hold, while mine are glazed over. I bite my lip trying to compose myself. "Figures no one wants to kidnap you. You're not even useful to them." she jams her finger in my chest, making sure her sharp nails pierce my skin. I hiss in pain and she laughs in satisfaction.

"You know if it weren't for you. I'd be living a good life. Would've had a nice job, maybe gotten married. But nobody wants a women with a mutt like you." She emphasizes the word mutt and sucks her teeth.

A single tear escapes my eye and falls down my cheek.  My lips are trembling as my mother's words reach my ears. I know I ruined her life when she got pregnant at a young age, but she doesn't have to remind me. She takes a swig out of her bottle before turning around. " fix yourself something to eat." She says while walking towards her room. " Can't have you dying here. They might think I did it." The door slams shut behind her. I run to the bathroom and release the one thing that has been trying to come out all day. You could probably hear me gagging on my throw up from a mile away. Once all of it comes out, I wipe my mouth and flush the toilet. I stumble up towards the sink to brush my teeth. I stare in the mirror at how crappy I look. I take in my raggedy outfit and the massive bags under my eyes from too much stress and not enough sleep. I take in my plump face and unkept hair.

I drag my feet towards the shower and turn the water on, stripping off my dirty close. I let the water drain out my loud sobbing and curses as everything that has happen today hits me. Hard. I rake my hand through my hair, trying to calm my nerves as I realize that i'm going to have to face everyone tomorrow. I'm already a wreck. I can't take anymore. I can't live everyday worrying about what Cassidy and Rose will do to me next. I can't take my own mother treating me like crap. My breath becomes shallow.

It hurts to breathe. To wake up. To live.