Insecure

It Starts With A Look

Isabelle's POV

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I turn over in my bed, turning off my alarm clock. I rub my eyes to help me be more alert and take my time rolling out of bed. Maybe by the time I get ready my mother would have left by then. I exhale and head over to my dresser, pulling out my usual clothes, a pair of blue jeans and a purple t-shirt that has a few permanent stains on it, and a pair of underwear.

I try not to pay attention to it, but sometimes I wonder if my mom even cares. She blames me for everything and does nothing for me. I see her buying new things for herself, giving me the scrapes. I try not to dwell on this fact for too long and head for the bathroom. I turn the water on intending to take as long as possible when I start to smell something...Is that smoke? I turn the water off and rush to put my clothes on.

" Mom?" I yell as I exit the bathroom and enter the hallway. I see the smoke coming from the kitchen and head that way. The fire alarm should have gone off by now. I look and see my mom asleep on one of the chairs at the dining room table. My attention is stolen by the sight of our pan sitting on the stove burning. I dash over to the cabnit and grab a container of salt, making sure to pour the whole can on top of the fire, smothering it. I finally let out a sigh of relieve when I know that the immediate danger is gone.

I then take in the sight of my mother, noticing the empty bottle of whiskey on the table and a cigarette bud in the ash tray next to it. I shake her awake, but back away to avoid any reprecussions. Her eyes flicker open and she begins to look around. When her eyes meet mine they turn into narrow slits. She fumbles to get up, but when she does she strides over to me, taking me by my shirt collar.

" What do you think you're doing?" Her stale breath pricks my face. I try my hardest not to cringe so I don't affend her. She looks around the kitchen, trying to see what mistake i've made. Something to blame me for. Her eyes close in on the pan covered in salt. " What were you doing in here?" She takes a whiff of the air, making her face scrunch up from the burnt smell. " What did you do?" Her grip tightens, cutting off my air supply; I stumble on words to explain the situation.

" I didn't do anything...I-I- walked into t-the kitchen and it was on fire." My eyes begin to water as I see hers turn cold.

" Are you saying this is my fault? Are you saying I'm responsible for this." She spits out while pointing to her surroundings. I try to free myself from her death grip, but its to strong.

I close my eyes bracing myself for the pain, but instead I feel her grip loosen. I open my eyes when I hear the sound of her uncontrollable laughter echoing in the room. I take a step back. she backs up towards the counter and reaches for her bottle of whisky, Picking it up she stares into the clear glass bottle. When she notices that there is nothing left her laughter is cut off by the sound of her piecing scream. I cover my ear drums until the room fills with a deafening silence.

The sound of the bottle hitting the wall behind me makes me jump. Before I have time to think her hands are around my neck and I'm gasping for air again. " You drank it all! You're Trying to kill me by setting the house on fire! Is that your plan? Huh?" I try to say no but my wind pipe is being crushed under her grip.

" NO? NO? " She releases me and I fall to the floor, trying to catch my breath. I barely regain my composure before a painful kick is released into my stomach, knocking the air back out of me. Tears begin to stream down my face as I curl up into a ball. " I should've gotten rid of you when I had the chance." She steps over me, heading to her room. I don't move an inch until I hear her door slam. Once I regain my breath, I slowly ease myself off the floor and head to our closet, taking out my sweater to cover my neck from any possible bruising and grab my backpack. I Head out the door and towards school.

                                                                                                ~

The hallways are already filled with chatting teenagers, making it impossible to walk to my locker in piece. It's hard to stand straight as a sharp pain overtakes my side. I put my weight against my locker and try to keep my face as neutral as possible. I feel a hand on my shoulder which makes me jump.

" Woah, Someone's jumpy this morning." Seth says with his overly bright smile. I try to smile back, straining my lips upwards, praying that I don't look creepy. I see his face brighten at my smile as he takes a step closer. "I have a question? Are you free after school?" I look up at him confused for a second.

" I have something I want to show you." He explains. I don't want to make my mother angry. Who knows what she could do to me. " N-" He cuts me off. " Don't say no. It'll help you forget about everything." He responds in a serious tone. The way he said that just now made it seem like he knew what hapened this morning, but the thought is quickly erased when I know that's impossible. It's probably just my bullying at school. I nod my head in agreement and see his face lighten up. 

        " I'll meet you after school by the front staircase." I nod my head slowly before he turns around and walks to his class. I relax against my locker.

" Hey Isabelle." The girl from the day before is staring at me. The vision of her slapping me flashes through my mind, making me flinch when she hugs me. " I heard you were in the hospital. Are you okay?" She says this loud enough for the people around to hear. " How come you're back so soon? I was so worried about you."

I tense up as her arms tighten around my body like a snake strangling it's prey.

" Listen up." She spits out. " Seth is too good for you. You're not even human, you don't deserve his time, so don't waste it." She whispers into my ear. She pulls away with a cheery smile plastered on her face, but to me it's sinister.

" I hope you feel better." Her kind words don't reach her eyes. " I'll see you around okay." The way she says that sounds like a threat. She takes one last glance at me before disappearing into the hallway. I turn around trembling like a leaf to face my locker. I grab my things for class before shutting it closed. The bell for class to start resounds through out the hallway making all the students scatter towards their classes.

I can feel the pulsing of my neck like it still can't breathe. I close my eyes and breathe in a breath of air to calm myself down. I readjust the straps to my backpack before heading to class.