scarlet's critique shop

✅ Sparks between us

Author: aigoo_angel

book cover:

The book cover is actually nice. The font looks good. It matches the picture you used. Maybe you should just use other color than white.

Title:

For the title, it's not that interesting. Meron kasing title na mahuhulaan o 'di kaya may idea ka na kung ano agad 'yung mangyayari sa story-at gano'n 'yung sa'yo. The title should bring curiosity to your readers. 'Yung tipong mapapatanong sila ng, "hala, bakit kaya gano'n 'yung title?" and so on.

Synopsis:

Please edit your synopsis. Medyo magulo pa kasi. Tyaka ayos na 'yung ipakilala mo nang slight ang protagonist ng story mo, pero other than that, dapat wala na. Sa story, isa rin sa tinitignan ang synopsis. 'Wag mong lagyan ng questions kasi magkakaro'n at magkakaro'n ng ideas ang readers mo kung tungkol saan ang story mo. 'Yung sa'yo kasi, parang binagsak mo na sa synopsis 'yung pinaka mahalagang mangyayari sa story.

writing style:

Okay naman 'yung sa writing style. Hindi jejemon, may mga punctuation mark, maayos din 'yung capitalization. Siguro 'yung nakita ko lang na mali is 'yung mga words na ginagamit mo. Okay naman, e. Kailangan mo lang mag research.

Know when to use "nang" and "ng". Tyaka 'yung "raw" "daw" "rin" "din".

Kapag naman may usapan sa telepono, don't use parenthesis na. Use this instead (" ").

Isa pa pala, don't use this (?!). You already explained that they're surprised or shocked or mad, and that's enough.

Narration:

Maayos din sa narration. Ang kaso lang, ang kalaban mo kasi dito is 'yung time. Dapat hindi mauumay o mabo-bored 'yung readers mo kapag binabasa nila 'yung story mo.

Siguro iklian mo lang kada chapter. Tyaka isa pa, 'wag kada galaw niya, sinasabi mo.

Okay 'yung part na dine-describe mo kung ano 'yung suot nila.

characterization:

It seems like you're trying to be realistic as possible.

Every characters you made, meron silang toxic personality, flaws, etc. and that's when I thought na maganda 'yung story mo kasi even though fiction 'yan, ang realistic ng characters. And I know na karamihan sa readers ay hinahanap ang makatotohanan.

Una 'yung kay Thea. She seemed so perfect, pero no'ng dumating na si Kayden, ilang days palang nag "date", na-fall na agad.

Next 'yung kay Kayden. Ang cute kasi ang soft niya for Thea, pero kalaunan, biglang lumabas 'yung toxic side niya. Naging moody. Tapos parang kine-question 'yung suot ni Thea, etc.

Ayos din 'yung mga parts na pinakita kung gaano ka-close si Thea sa siblings and cousins niya.

It's also good to see that Thea is confident with her talent yet she's very humble. And she's a strong lady. But she's too hard on herself.

overall comment:

Maayos, maganda, interesting ang ikot ng storya. Most of the scenes are realistic. The characters are well-made. Kailangan lang siguro ng character development habang tumatagal 'yung story. Either mas nag mature or naging toxic lalo. It's up to you.

rating:

7/10

suggestion:

'Wag masyadong mahaba kada chapter.

'Wag din lagyan ng title kada chapter. I predicted some scenes dahil sa title. For sure, 'yung iba rin mahuhulaan 'yan.

Your english is good, pero mukhang mas need mo mag research sa tagalog.

Lastly, stick to your plot and plans. Take down notes about everything. Para hindi magulo 'yung story.

Let me know if I helped you. Please leave a vote. Thank you and stay safe! good luck, luv. keep writing.