Always and Fornever

DYWM

"So keep me on your life support. Maybe your breath is all I have, yeah. . ."

Beyoncé's POV

My mother and I sat at a Ruth Chris. I took my mother out to dinner for another fancy outing before she leaves on Saturday. No phones no distractions. Genuine mother daughter bonding. Yay.

The waiter had just took our order. And now here came the awkward conversation and short answers portion of dinner. My mother asks deep questions, I give short answers. She gives long explanations, I brush it off and it's a "I'm okay, or it's going fine." I loved my mother but I hated these conversations.

"So sweetie how have you been?" She asked taking a sip of her sweet tea. Her face frowned a little at the taste. "Wo Chile that needs some sugar." I laughed at my mothers humor. "I'm going ma." I chuckled at her a little. "No sweetie how are you, with everything?" She said grabbing my hand. I left out a breath trying to keep myself together.

Truth was I wasn't okay. My anxiety gets a hold of my sometimes. But a lot more than offten. I'll be sitting in class and my thoughts gets ahold of me and the next thing I'm in bathroom throwing up. And with my grades dropping, my parents separating all making it harder for me to "come out." What's next the apocalypse?

"It wouldn't be called a high point if you wasn't down before." I said fixing a smile on my face. "That doesn't mean you can't talk to me baby." She moved my curls behind my ears. "What happened? You guys where happy." I broke the ice. She leaned back grinning. "I knew this would come up." "Did you not expect me to ask? What about Solange?" I continued to let my questions pour out. "Beyoncé me and your father love each other. And we always will." She explained. "Then why are you guys divorcing each other?" I was confused. "Because we respected that enough to realize that it wasn't going to work anymore. If it ever did sweetie." She grabbed both my hands. "Wh-what does that mean? I don't understand." I frowned my face. "Beyoncé your father and I's marriage ended along time ago. And keeping you Solange in that wasn't good for any one of us." She rested her hand on her chest. "I turned out fine. You and daddy was together the whole time." I tried to contradict her . "Maybe that's the problem Beyoncé."

I was a taken back. What's wrong with me?

"Beyoncé I didn't mean it like that. I just mean this reaction is exactly the reaction I didn't want. We put this perfect picture of what a family should be and now it's thrown you off that things are going to be different." She answered honestly. She wasn't wrong. I sat back slightly understanding.

The waiter came over quickly interrupting us. "Chicken Parmesan."

Later that night . . .

After dinner I had dropped my mother back off at the my apartment I headed to Chelle's just to get a clear headspace. After the talk with my mama I understand a little more why everything happened the way it did. It was the one part of my life that I always coveted without change, and now it's kinda like now what?

Chelle and I had met my Junior year of Collage and we were inseparable. She always gave me the hook up on everything since she was the student body Vice President and we became close.

"I don't know what to do? More or less how to think about it." I put a piece of cake in my mouth. "Well suagr you have no choice but to accept it and move on I guess." Chelle indulged in her dessert as well. I let out a breath. A text from my mom came in.

"I know this like this isn't easy to handle but I hope we can talk more when you get home." I read out loud. I hit the silent button on throwing my phone back onto the counter. "Ugh!" Got up going to the couch blipping flat on my face. I mumbled into the couch. "Bey I can't hear you." I rolled over landing on the floor flat on my back. Chelle jumped letting out a small yelp. A small chuckle erupted from my mouth as it slowly turned into a fit of laughter. "Girl what in the hell do you got going on?" Chelle walked over to me. "My *laugh* life is a fucking, JOKE!" She she let out a breath. Chelle looked very surprised at me.