Always and Fornever

Running On E

"Girl remember my face when your out there on your own."

My apartment door slowly creeped open. Dragging my bags in behind me. A thousand things ran through my mind. Everything that had taken place yesterday, or the past couple of days. If my family hadn't written me off before they surly had now. I just needed peace. I surely wouldn't be getting it.

Bey and I hadn't really talked all week. I knew she would want some answers on my behaviors. But that's not what I wanted to talk about right about now.

Nudging the door open to my room I quickly threw my bags on the bed. Bey flicked the lights on revealing our bedroom, home sweet home. With Bey not to far behind me she did the same. Plopping down next to them. I let out a sigh rubbing my face. The sound of her zipper from the stuffed duffle filled the room. I continued to rub my head from the strong headache I acquired on the way back. Still get jet lag I guess.

Opening the nightstand drawer I took two ibuprofen throwing them back.

"You okay baby¿" I heard the woman ask as she unpacked her things. "Yes, I'm fine." My eyes remained shut. The silence almost soothed me. "So you want to talk-" I cut Beyoncé off before she could utter another word. "No I don't want to talk about it." I said snapping myself from my trance looking to the window.

The room went quiet once again. Raindrops tapped at the glass, just a drizzle. The dark sky had made a blank canvass. A flashing red stoplight danced through the air mixing on the glass. Almost so quiet you could here the click of it.

"I know you don't want to talk about it but baby I think we-" I cut her off never breaking my gaze. "Who's Megan?" The sudden bustled behind me came to a pause. The room still at a hush. "See in my mind, I ran it a million different ways. A distant cousin, or a friend, or a friend of a friend. Even an ex." I shook my head, trying to deny the truth. I took in a deep breathe trying not to explode. "All lies. So Giselle please don't lie to me. Because I will put your head through that god damn wall." I turned to her slowly trying to blink the tears away.

She looked almost in awe. I waited for a word to at slightly slip out, nothing. "I hoped when I turned around you wouldn't have that stupid fucking look on your face." Her lips moved without a word. "That caught look. Like you did something wrong." My leg started to shake as tears welled in my eyes. "But you're to scared to admit it." I bit my bottom lip tightly. "Because Y-you, know you might have just hurt somebody that you love." I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. I quickly dried my eyes.

"You-you know what? I need you to take your clothes and put them back in that bag and get the fuck out." Beys expression changed. Almost as if she was confused. Shocked that I would say such a thing. "Get out? And go where?" I could tell she was still gathering everything. But I didn't have time for that. "Mhum. I don't know. Megan's house, I don't care." I could feel my mood shifting. "Baby let me-" I threw my hand up closing my eyes. I bit my lip as tears rushed down my cheeks. "I don't want you to explain, anything to me. I looked at her in disgust and disappointment. "Please Kelly." She pleaded grabbing at the seams of her sweats. "I don't care to here it. You didn't have the integrity to keep it. I don't have the grace to save it." I could see Bey slowly breaking as she aggressively picked at her clothing. Her eyes glossy. It killed me to see her like that. "Please." She mumbled backing away a bit. "NOT, another word. Giselle get out." I quickly cooled myself.

At that moment I looked into her eyes. I could see it all. Her fuck up. My love. Our relationship. She was crumbling before me. At my feet. But I couldn't do it.

Bey backed into the wall. "I'm not leaving." She muscled up through the tears. I nodded my head. "Okay." I kept nodding as my mind ran a thousand miles per hour. "I'll leave." I grabbed my bag off the bed quickly. "No, no." Bey moved in front of our bedroom door. "Beyoncé move." I stood in front of her. Her beautiful figure plastered to the door. "Beyoncé I am leaving you." I clutched my bag tightly in my hand. I just wanted to leave. I needed to be far away from her, from this. "Please just talk to me. Baby don't leave like this. Cant you just listen please." She clutched the door handle tightly. I got so hot. She was acting like I did something wrong. Like I cheated. Like I had hurt her. I hadn't hurt her yet.

"I, hate you. Now move the fuck out of my way." Beyoncé's tears rolled from her eyes like rivers. Hoping I would take it back. They ran blank as if my words had washed them of everything. She suddenly took it in, almost as she had excepted the fate of our relationship. It's death. Her knees buckled as moved off to the corner. Her knees tucked to her chest as she rocked back and forth.

Grabbing the bag I snatched my keys of the kitchen counter. I flew the door to the stairs, I had no time for an elevator. Pulling out my phone. I unlocked it quickly. The sound of my sneakers hitting each step made a rhythmic beat almost. I scrolled through the contacts, knowing just who to call.

I threw the phone to my ear as a burst through the stairwell door. The streets almost empty I looked onto the sidewalk. I threw my hood over my head.

*ring. . . Ring*

"Come on pick up." I uttered to my self as I stood in the freezing rain.

*ring* "He-hello." The woman's sleepy voice came through. I let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god. Hey can you come pick me up." I my voice shook as I sniffled into the speaker. "What, Kellz what are you talking about? It's like twelve at night." She still sounded confused. I bit my lip slightly trying to hold back the tears. "Yeah I just could really use a friend right now." Everything came down again on me. "Yo yo, you good? Where you at?" She asked with a more concerned tone. I tired to hold down my sobs. "You at home? I'm on my way to get you." I could hear her bustled in the back ground. "No no no." I quickly stopped her. "uhm just come to that bar around the block. The the little one." I tried to clear my thoughts. "Yeah the little seafood joint?" She clarified to me a bit. "Yeah that one." I wiped my eyes. "Im on my way. I'll be there is thirty." She hung up.

Stuffing the phone back in my pocket I looked into destination. I read the sign that lit up blue and red. "Randy's Seafood, Wings, And Grill". I could use a shot or two.

Twenty Minutes Later***

"Can I get my Keys back¿" I sat slumped in the stool. "Kelly you can't drive like that." The older white man stood behind the counter. "For the last time I didn't drive." My eyes hung low. "And for the last time you can get em back when somebody comes and picks you up." I rolled my eyes as I held a corner of whiskey my hand.

Six shots later I was still sad and drunk as hell. That Jack really creeps up. "Here." I heard something move across the wooden bar top. Leaning up I looked at the food. Breadsticks and Mac and baked cheese. "Bread so you don't puke your brain out. And Mac and cheese to hold it together. It'll take the edge off." He threw a crisp white towel over his shoulder. Taking the fork I threw the load of Mac into my mouth. "Mhum." I grunted as I chewed. "This still Ms.Betty's recipe?" I asked. "As long as she's been running things around here. You know that." He said with a laugh. I gave him a small smile.

He just kept a little grin on his face. Uncle Randy has always been here since I started collage. He serves the collage kids real liquor and we make sure we have clean fun. No rape, no ARI's and no DUI's. It was always funny because no matter how much kids come through that place he always remembers every single one of us.

"Listen you know how I am. Don't ask don't tell. I don't know what's got you all upset like this-" I tied to interrupt him. "But if who ever they are making you drink like that," he stopped taking the towel wiping the counter. "I don't need them." I said finishing his sentence. He let out a small chuckle. Taking a bread stick I broke it stuff the fluffy yeast into my mouth."Or they really mean a lot." He leans into me. I bit the bread stick throwing it into the basket. "Meant, a lot." I said thinking about Bey. "So much they made you run up a tab." He took a glass whipping it out. I looked up at his sly grin. "Drinking the pain away doesn't work Kelly. Drinking people away doesn't work, or problems. Sometimes if you can't fix it. You have to let things be." He stacked the crystal clear glasses together. I nodded my head to that one. I took my glass raising it up. "Well to the one a toast."

***
it's getting juicy bitch I don't know what to say.