Can you believe I've dated him for 4months? 4. A month without talking to him. It hurts. Hurts a lot.
Kayla seems to be down lately for the simple fact that she doesn't want to go back to New York. I don't want her to go. I know she'll kill herself there. The thing about the entire situation though is , Kayla doesn't want to kill herself. She wants to feel again, but she doesn't think she ever can. I question it myself. She likes being sad. It's like me and cutting, an addiction.
When did her eyes begin to look fake? When did mine? I haven't seen Alex. I crave him so much. I'm addicted. Seems I've turned to medication to make the pain go away. It doesn't work that much but I keep trying. Maybe next try it'll be one handful too much. Or maybe drugs. Repeat the past, try to find s way to heal. How can you heal when you miss two people so much?
Nothing seems right anymore. I think it's time for a break from some things. I want a break from my body. From my brain. I want to feel better for a day maybe forever. So I can love Alex the right way. Be what he deserves. Be what Kayla needs. Be her hope.
