Sitting anxiously has always been a normal routine but not a plane that made me feel so flimsy and vulnerable. The only thing I could think about was Alex and Kayla. I hated the thought. Every time both of them were on my mind everything became blurs of black paint blotted in my notebook.
What if when I come back Kayla just wants nothing to do with me? I already threw Alex away I know i won't be able to take her throwing me away. It's so hard for me to explain why I threw him away to go back home, it wasn't really my choice in a way, I did it to separate myself mentally and physically from someone who had my entire heart locked in a cage in their hand, it was my fault it ended up this way. If I hadn't let him close I wouldn't have shown my crack, those ugly cracks buried deep within my hips and arms and legs. Though my cracks weren't always seen they both know of them. They could tell and I knew it. I always wonder if they ever asked about it but then again, it seemed no one ever cared enough to say a word to anyone about it. Maybe I deserved to continue it. This game I play, tic tac toe on my wrist, it'll never be the death of me, because the fact I'm already dead sitting on this plane. I am a ghost and can't feel a single thing other than my want to be in the arms of the familiar face I could call home. But it wouldn't be home, would it? Throwing myself back to my old life in Montebello. What a waste.
I step off the plane and look around finding a large group of familiar faces waiting on me, even my dad. Though he hates me it seems he missed me, he's actually smiling at me for once or maybe he's just happy I'm back so he can put me down like he use to. I let out a deep sigh of mourning as I approach the group of faces I barely come to remember. Except one. Kayla. She came to see me? I know she needs me. The look in her eyes shows she's in the brim of tears and all I want to do right now is pull her into a hug and tell her everything that happened and everything I was thinking but I knew I couldn't. You can't just spill out your entire thought process to someone and expect them to understand. I could never expect anyone to understand how I felt or why I came back. Before I know it I've made my way to her and she hugs me. It feels so nice to finally be beside her again. Like we use to be.
We finally returned home into the walls of Montebello. I make my way up the stairs and to my old room. The house as always is luxurious, it always was. Image was everything to Momma. She made sure we looked perfect. If only they'd look through the curtains. I bet she was ashamed of how I looked today. Crop top, sweatpants and converse. I know she was. I sigh reaching my old door. Of course she took down all my posters. She hated them when I was here. No individuality outside these damn doors. Stepping in I can smell the sickly sweet scent of my things. It all stung. The black furniture suited me. They were just like me. Dull and useless to look at. That was who I was wasn't it? Dull and so simple I could be overlooked. I believe so. I reach into pocket pulling out my phone to see Kayla's text.
Kayla : I'm coming over. Meet me at the pool house like usual?
Me : I'll be there. God I've missed you.
