Hey Taylor, it's Kayla , meet up at Starbucks for lunch tomorrow? - text from Kayla
Today was Friday, we get out at 12:30. Thank god. I can't take a whole day of school today. I can't seem to stay focused on any of my work. All I can think about is why Kayla wants to meet for lunch. Or why Alex was staring at me yesterday. Everything is just stressing me out. Today isn't going to be a good day, I can tell. I turn back over. It's already 4am, 2 days without sleep. Another day I have to try and cover up my blackened eyes. I sigh closing my eyes.
I walk to my locker and toss my bag in, grabbing my binders for the day. I turn around to catch Alex walking this way. Oh god. I turn back around panicking on the inside. What do I do? I don't have Kayla here to pick up a conversation. Shit. Why can't I be like the untouchables? They can look into his beautiful brown eyes and talk non stop. I can barely look into his eyes and every time I do I get lost. His eyes hide at least a million secrets. I want to know them. I want to know him. But the feelings I have towards him, if their not hate, what am I feeling towards him? I think I want to be him. Oh god. Everyone's staring at us. I don't like it. I'm meant more to be invisible than seen. I could feel the lump forming in my throat as Kayla walked over to join us.
We walked to first period together, of course getting the unwelcoming glares from the untouchables. I really hated how everyone seemed to give me the look over as we walked by, is this what Kayla had to face alone for so many years? I'm really starting to understand the consequences of talking to someone you adore.
School ended rather fast, honestly passed by in a blur for me since I seemed to always zone out. Alex and I waited for Kayla outside on the curb. I couldn't help but stare at the faint scars on his wrist. Before I could stop myself I touched his wrist. I could feel him tensing up, he knew I'd seen them. If I didn't have the same marks on me I wouldn't have known any better. But I did. I had those exact marks, even had a few from burns. I couldn't stand the fact he hated himself just the same as me if not more. I wanted to know who'd done this to him.
Kayla tried paying for my lunch, which drove me insane. I hate when people try to pay for me, its a guilty trip for me. Me and Kayla both payed for Alex's without his acknowledgement. Pretty sure if he had know he'd be pissed. Oh well. We all three gathered around a table outside and talked for at least 2 hours. I liked hearing their voices. How calm they were. I enjoyed hearing their accents. They were so much more interesting than mine. I sat beside Kayla, taking a glance at her you'd be shocked at her beauty. She had a full face that suited her well, especially with her dark brown hair, it came at least past her shoulders. Her brown eyes blended with her pupil which made her eyes look like a big dough eyes. I loved it. I wondered if she knew how pretty she really was. She seemed to hate herself just as much as Alex hated himself. And how much I hated me. I didn't like that they were hurting, looking in her eyes I could see thoughts were ringing her brain too. It was awful to know she seemed to be restless too. Alex on the other hand, always seemed restless but seemed so calm, though his vibes gave him away to me. He was like a locked box with a thrown away key. I didn't need to key. I intruded unintentionally.
Kayla seemed the same way, but her box had a key. She just kept it hidden, I know I couldn't intrude on her the way Alex let me on him. She was the one who guarded herself just as much as I guarded myself, she knew all the tricks like i did. Kayla would be my challenge to get to know because of our alike thinking.
I finally understood. I finally understood what my feeling were, my feelings for this boy weren't hate. They weren't what I'd call love either. But it seemed to be a crush. We texted almost everyday now. While me and Kayla texted all day everyday. I finally understood that I was getting attached and it'd be the start of what killed me.
