I never thought I'd be crazy close to Kayla. But it seemed to turn out that way. I liked that my life chose this, I fought it and yet it still happened, that has to be some sort of sign right? Or would you just call me really lucky to have someone I can trust again? I'm not sure what'd I what call it. Maybe Fate.
Bonding with people has never been something I clicked with, or so I feel. With it coming so easily with Kayla was amazing, I didn't have to fight with myself to say something , I didn't have to restrain myself. It just flowed, like a river connection to the ocean. It flowed perfectly and had enough depth to move around, and sometimes we'd get caught in a dry river but in the end we slowly drifted back out to the sea and to dive into depths of interest. What a weird way to say we became close right?
Over the nights we've spent talking about our lives it seems I've wished I could be closer to her. I wish I could live closer. I wish I could give her the love she wished for. I knew I couldn't but I could wish. I could continue to wish for her. I have nothing incouldn possibly ask for without paying a price for my stubborn ways.
Tonight seemed to be a night where I couldn't think straight or sleep Alex had been on my mind, which is what always seemed to be going on. He made a home in my brain and now he had me up at 3 in the morning making myself cry. crying just made me want to cut and the cuts just made me cry more. The pain I've been feeling is a little to unreal lately.
