I think I've lost interest in things I should want to do. I've lost interest in talking in general. Maybe it's just the day. Maybe it's just me.
"I'll be in the living room playing skyrim."
Aunty nods while she's getting dressed for work. She didn't make me go to school today because I'm having to go to the dentist. Which will be hell. I have to be told that my wisdom teeth will be ripped out and I'll be drugged yo for a week or more. Such bullshit. Smh.
Kayla and I have mainly been talking. About Alex. Since I never shut up about him. I'm pretty sure I drive her insane about him. I try not to. It's just that I miss him and how he made me feel better. I try to avoid the subject of him but sometimes I don't think and end up saying something about him. It just makes her annoyed and me sad. But I still do it. I don't know why.
Sometimes I wonder if he's given up on me. Or if I should stop caring. But I always feel stupid and naive for even thinking that in the end. Sometimes I question if Kayla would be better off without me. I ponder too much honestly. It's a constant voice telling me all these saddening things. I should be immune to it by now but those two names have become something like a blade. That voice throw them around and it cuts me like a piece of paper. Digs in deep and leaves me bleeding trying to understand why I am my own blade. I think I may be one of there's too. Just not too sure who.
