protect my heart

27

n a d i a

It had been a couple of weeks since we brought Jaxson home and Christian was still going with baseball. They had made it into the postseason and were trying to make another World Series appearance. As much as I wanted him home helping me with three kids, I knew he had to work and I knew that I would have to do this on my own as long as they were in the postseason.

I had forgotten how much it was to take care of a newborn. Add two toddlers on top of that and it's almost chaos to me. But, I had this. I've taken care of a newborn and a toddler before, I think I could handle one more on my plate. An additional hand would be helpful though...

***

"Wyatt, can you please help momma and go see what Willow needs?" I ask Wyatt as I get Jaxson out of his bassinet to change him and feed him. Thankfully, Wyatt was helping out as much as he could. He's five, there's only so much a five year old could do. But he was doing his best, and that's honestly all I wanted from him. Willow was doing her best to help as well and I was very thankful for that.

"Alright, Jax, let's get you all changed and fed, how about that?" I smile, kissing his forehead and walked into his bedroom, laying him on his changing table. "What should we wear today, huh? Something to cheer daddy on?" I look in his drawers and pull out a little button Brewers onesie to put on in replace of the one he was already wearing. We still had a bunch of Wyatt's onesies and our families had given us new ones for him to wear as well, so he was stocked.

A lot of our stuff was starting to get packed as we were finally in the process of starting the move to California. We weren't going to move until the team was done with the postseason, of course, but we started to just put away things that we weren't using on a daily basis. I couldn't wait to get back to California; Having our families around was going to be great for some extra hands and I'm sure Wyatt and Willow will love having their grandparents, aunt and uncles around, too.

I got Jaxson all changed and fed before carrying him into the living room to lay him in his little rocking chair that had little birds hanging so he could be entertained. The game was starting in about twenty minutes, so I wanted to make sure everything was done before that so we could all watch the baseball game.

"Mommy! Daddy on tv today?" Willow asked me, climbing up on the couch.

"He is, Willow bug! We're all going to sit together and watch him! You think he's going to hit a homerun?"

Willow nodded, "It go really far! And we all cheer for daddy!" She said with a giggle, "Bubby watch too?" She asked, pointing to Jaxson.

I nodded, "Bubby is going to watch too! He can't go to the park yet, so we're gonna watch it on TV so he can still see daddy play." I tell her, watching as Jaxson was falling asleep in his chair. He typically fell asleep for a little nap after having lunch. Fine with me, anything to make the baby happy.

***

Christian didn't do too hot today. Struck out three times and got a fly out on his last at-bat. I could tell just watching on television that he was not happy with himself and his performance. I always tell the kids that when Christian gets home, we act like he played his best so he knows that we love him no matter what. Christian gets so hard on himself, especially in the postseason and I wanted to make sure that he knows we're proud of him no matter how he performs at the plate.

I had gotten Jaxson down for another nap and the other two were playing in their rooms while I cleaned up the living room and kitchen. I heard the door close, meaning Christian was home.

"Babe?" I call out, walking towards the door, "Hey you..." I say, walking up to Christian.

Christian was quiet. He was pissed. He didn't say anything and just walked right past me and down the hall to our room. I followed behind him, giving him some room as I didn't want him to blow up at me. He stripped off his shirt and looked in his drawers for another one.

"Hey..." I walk up to him, placing my hand on his arm, "You okay?"

"Obviously not. You watched the game, you saw how I played." He just laughed to himself, "No wonder people keep talking shit about how bad I'm playing, it's showing." He said, moving away from me and sat on the bed, going on his phone.

I frown, going to sit at the end of the bed by him, "It's a game, babe. I still think you did good..."

"You have to say that because you're my wife and you don't want me to feel bad." Christian replied, "I know how this works."

"Christian, that's not why I say it. I say it because I mean it. I don't care how you perform at the plate, I'm proud of you no matter what." I tell him, moving closer. "I don't care what people say about you online, they're just jealous."

"Jealous of what? Jealous that I can't hit a fucking ball to save my life?" He threw his hands up, "I was facing easy pitchers and couldn't fucking hit the ball and when I do, it's a fly ball and it's caught by the other team. It's fucking great, makes me feel great about myself." He said before looking back at his phone. "Left bases loaded, couldn't even fucking hit something to get at least one runner in.." He said more quiet.

I take his phone out of his hands, moving it to the other side of the bed, I moved and sat on his lap, "No phone. Look at me and we're going to talk." I tell him, making eye contact with him. "I don't care how that game went. I don't care if you strike out, I don't care if you ground out, fly out, anything, because I know what you're capable of doing. I know that you're an amazing player."

Christian looked at me, nodding slowly.

"You're too hard on yourself and that needs to stop. You're one of the greatest if not the greatest player in the game right now. For your age, you're killing it. You just keep getting better and better. So I want you to stop being so hard on yourself and stop being so critical." I said, running my fingers through his hair. "It stays at the ballpark. When you're home, your family is here to give you all the loving you deserve, okay?"

"Yeah..." He said quietly. "Thanks."

"No need to thank me, babe. I just want you to realize what I see and I want you to know that it's not the end of the world. At the end of the day, it's a game. Sure it's your final season, but you've had so many amazing years in baseball, I think you should be proud of that. Be proud of your success." I kiss his forehead then his lips, "I'll love you no matter what."

He kissed me back then nodded, "I love you too. I don't know, I think it's just the pressure because of who I am and how 'important' I am in the game, it just stresses me out.."

"And I don't want it to stress you out. It shouldn't. That's not fair to you. You don't deserve that." I told him, playing with his hair, "Just shrug it off. You don't need that added stress."

Christian nodded again, "I appreciate that..." he said before getting up and walking over to the bassinet where Jaxson laid as he was stirring awake from his nap, "And I appreciate this little guy right here.." He smiled and picked Jaxson up, cradling him in his arms. "Can't wait to start taking you to some ballgames, buddy. That'll be a fun time."

I smiled at him, "In just the couple of weeks that he's been here, he's definitely got some of your looks, but has my nose." I laugh, kissing Jaxson's forehead, "Right, buddy? You look just like your daddy! Which means you're super super cute!"

Christian smiled and looked at me then at Jax, "I say this a lot, but we are super lucky with the kiddos we have to call our own."