Contemplation

Long Gone

He won't answer my calls or texts. I know he is going through a rough time but so am I. I'm scared will he take his life like dad did? My dad is gone. untouchable , unreachable. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. He can't become that way. I miss my dad and I miss him now too and he is still breathing. I think I'm done with people. It hurts too much. I think I want to just forget them all. I don't want to be here. It's all terrible. The pain, the tears, it's all just...heartbreak. I want to cry all the time. I miss so many people, things, the way things used to be, my oblivious innocence that everyone has, so many people dont understand what its like to lose a father. He won't be there at graduation, to take pictures of me in a dress, the first dance I ever go too... I want to hug him, Beg him to stay, apologize for every wrong I and the world has done that made him leave. Tell him I'll help him fix it all. Emphasize how much he means to me and so many others. I miss out on having a dad, no one can replace that role, only he can.

I can never bring myself to forgive and trust her again, not the same way that I once did. That is too difficult too do. What she did was wrong and cold and hateful. But yet I miss her and want to ask her to forgive me although I did nothing that needs to be forgiven