Letters From The Sky (JoongNine AU)

Chapter 28

Arwan Kingdom, The Time After Nine

Joong

I was down with fever for 3 days. I kept waking up regularly at night, wanting badly to open my eyes and saw that Nine was still sleeping beside me. My dreams became nightmare whenever I woke up, looking at an empty bed beside me; I was alone. The person whom I used to hold, was no longer with me, nor remembered by others. I felt cheated, as if my memories were part of a big hoax. Everything that surrounded me, was a grand lie.

Mrs. Pat came regularly to bathe my burning skin. I was never as sick as of now, and Mr. Pat kept giving me herbs concoction to drink. We couldn't afford a physician, that was too far reaching. After they were gone, I curled up and sobbed uncontrollably. Please, somebody please tell me, where is he? I need him to be with me now. I am hurting.

I lived my life pretending to be alright. I smiled to the others in the day, while looking for traces of him from my surrounding. Nothing, there was nothing except my memory. So, be it. If that was the only crumb I had to eat, I should reserve it as long as I could, even if I starve. I reached the age of 18, and left the Orphanage with a heavy heart. Will my crumb be gone when I leave this place? Or will it lead the way to find him, somewhere? I said my goodbyes to the kind couple, and to all my brothers and sisters that would leave too in a few years, new kids would come in, new mouth to feed.

I visited the river that witness our hearts, laid down on the same rock and tried to remember the feeling of being together, the touch and caresses. I smiled as I knew, he was the first and would be the last to do so. Because I didn't want to start anything new, just to lose everything I hold dear. I wanted to dream of him with the same feeling, and not having another's face to grace my mind.

With my built and height, I was accepted into the army. To defend the kingdom, means the fall of others. My life was no longer simple, nor light. Battle after battle left me brittle. My memory of him had started to fade, that the harshness of war left me damaged and angry. The memory that supposed to enlighten me, only made me felt bitter. I started to accept that he was just an illusion. That I made him up because I yearned for comfort. This right now was my reality. That I slept on a hard land, protecting someone else's love one, while mine was just an illusion.

I laughed without feeling an ounce of joy and looked up at the dark sky. The moon was hidden under a thick darkness; meaning it's going to rain heavily again. "Nine, are you up there? No matter how I created you, if you exist, I want you to listen to this. I promised I won't die young. This is your only chance to see me live long enough. Because even if I am offered a chance for another life, I didn't want to. I'll finish my crumb in this life, to the last bit, and won't starve anymore". The rain fell heavily, to wash the last of my tears. No more. I would live long, albeit without any heart, just to vent my anger, to a person who left me, in my imagination.

Yet, my promise was empty. 3 years later, I lost in battle.

The Sky, The Time After Joong

Nine

I sat down at the edge of the water, looking at a different man that was no longer my Joong. My eyes felt wet with unshed tears, I had cried too much while looking at him through the Water for years. I heard you Joong. I heard you very well. But, I can't lose you liked this. The light in your short life was too little. I went to see The Master, with a determine heart to make amend, for one last time.

"Nine...", The Master's voice echoed through the moving clouds, that surrounded me who kneel down with regret on the velvety floor.

"Why am I a being with feelings, Master? Nobody, no one here could teach me anything, nor understand me...was that the reason...you sent me down?".

"Regret? You're more human than an Angel now, Nine".

"He is suffering, for a choice that I'd made. Was his next life supposed to be better, if I let him be at that time? Children are never judged...I really forgot.... Now, he will be, with so much blood in his hands. He doesn't want another life too, and it's all my fault".

"Then, just let him be, isn't it easier, Nine? You regretted making a choice, yet now you wanted to make another one. Isn't it contradictory?".

"It's not a choice, Master. It's an atonement".

"Will you regret it later, just liked you regret it now?"

"I have no answer to that, I'm afraid, someday I'll be tested again, and my words will come to bite me back. All I can promise is that, as long as Joong lives a good life, no matter how much of mine will be taken, I won't regret".

Yet, my promise was empty. Now, while sobbing heavily inside the embrace of my love, I have regrets, yet no more time.