Letters From The Sky (JoongNine AU)

Chapter 29

Joong

I held the sobbing person close. Let him released everything, whatever it was that hurt him that bad. His words confused me. What mess is he talking about? Up until now, it's a bliss rather than a mess. Or is that only from my side, that I fail to see the burden he kept inside. Is loving me feel that hard, Nine? Am I deluding myself all this time? My thought went south too much, making me shook my head to keep it away. I didn't need to add my insecurity as his burden. I portrayed a confident front, but recently, I felt liked he would give a harsh ultimatum at any moment, and that scared me so much.

When the sobbing lessened, when the front of my shirt dampened by so much tears, I pulled away a bit and looked at his face. Eyes swollen, wet still, nose red and lips trembling. I wiped the stain of tears from his cheeks and gave him a smile.

"Ayyy, I just took a shower, do you miss me that much to cry this bad?", I teased him while pinching his red nose. My words brought a slight smile from him.

"Who's missing you? Maybe you're the bane in my dream...", he said, snorting.

"Am I? Then tell me what did I do to cause such dream, so I could change things that you dislike", I asked sincerely, trying to look for the answer from his reserved eyes. He was diverting me from the truth, to make light of the situation. No bad dream would cause such a harsh grief. Tell me baby, tell me what is it...I wanted to ask him, yet I could predict that he won't give the answer that I wanted.

"Nothing, Joong. I was teasing", he said, and caressed my face, "such a good lad, what bad could you do? Except being a little messy, everything else is really up to my taste", he said and finally gave me a full smile, "maybe, I am just too hungry, Joong...for food!", he added when I gave him a naughty smirk and almost moved ahead to kiss him again.

"Alright. Now get your ass to the shower or else I will do it", he kissed my cheeks and moved towards the bathroom. My eyes followed him until the door closed, and then my real emotion started to show on my face. I really need to dig the reason, for my dreams and also, for his silence. I was triggered, because I just realized, although I love him unconditionally, there's really not much I knew, about Nine.

Nine

Joong went back to his apartment after having a delivered lunch at my house. Though we tried to talk casually, we both knew that a question was hanging on, charging the atmosphere. I could see some moments when he was either lost in thought, or staring beyond me. He was not wrong to do so, my emotional breakdown must be confusing to him. I could sense his budding doubt, yet his love remained unconditional, it was obvious. He was not liked me who was reserved. That innocence since centuries ago, still the best part of him, making his sincerity, honesty and everything that he felt, shown in his face.

If he asked the things that must be lurking in his head, I had no prepared answer. What to tell, when the stories might seem too ridiculous for a normal mind to register. I would look like a psychotic person, to be weaving such stories. He did not ask because he knew I was not ready to tell. So, he waited, although it made him nervous. He left with my promise to see him again in a week, when I would be on leave for 3 days, taken to go on vacation with him, undisturbed. This would be our first, and maybe...no more.

I didn't tell him, but I went to see a doctor to check on my eyes condition. When the result came out with no medical condition, I knew at once, the countdown had started. Gradually, more weaknesses would befall me, due to my being energy on earth running out. Just as he tried to do, portraying confidence even when he's in doubt, I was doing the same, portraying happiness when my heart felt too heavy to find a way to let him go.

I didn't want Joong to see me at my weakened state later. I must stop him from another heartache, another unvented anger that would ruin another precious lifespan. I was delaying in doing so, because I was selfish too, wanting to taste everything in this final time of mine. Yet, the ripple couldn't be stopped, just as now, that the fog that clouded my mind had been opened one after another, and shown how long ago, I had been selfish enough to decide his life's pathway, in the end ruining his sequence Order and messed up everything onward; his life, my being and also The System too.

Regrets, no matter how you want to forget them, eaten your skin from within, and when there's a cut, only then you could see how rotten it had become.