Letters From The Sky (JoongNine AU)

Chapter 32

Joong

My body felt tired, my muscle a little sore, but not in any way uncomfortable. The last I remembered before falling asleep was giving Nine languid kisses all over his flushed face, too tired to wash up and just slept. I knew Nine would wait until I fell asleep, then would go to take a shower. He was that proper, but never imposed the same standard on me. After shower, he would still hold me tight as always.

I opened my eyes and looked at the dimmed light. The emptiness that I felt beside me, made me felt a bit anxious. There's no sound of movement, or someone inside the shower too. I sat up and looked at the time, the last before I slept, it was almost midnight. Now, it was already half past two in the morning, where could he go in such ungodly hour as now? I rubbed my eyes, to wash the last vestige of sleepiness, and immediately went to the small living room, outside of our room. The glass door was closed. There's no sign of Nine too.

I immediately took my phone and called his number. His phone was on the bedside table, undisturbed. Gosh! What now? Calm down, Chen, think. Impossible for him to leave you in the middle of the night with everything else still in it's place. I took a deep breath, and washed my face, the cool water cleared up my mind a bit. I put on my clothes and went out towards the beach. No other places would be open at this hour, so the possibility to find Nine at the beach would be better.

I walked along the nearest beach that was just behind the resort, where we ran along during the day. Though I was a bit afraid of the darkness, the moonlight that shone, illuminated the pathway and my phone light did help too. After walking for a bit, I released a relief breath, there sitting not far from where I stood, a small stature rested his chin on his knees, looking at the waves ahead.

I walked and sat behind him, circle my arms around his waist, kissing the crook of his neck and then rested my chin oh his shoulder. No words were exchanged, but we both felt the closeness that brought such comfort.

"Sorry, Joong. You must be worried not finding me in the room", the silence was broken up by his apology.

"Anxious, Nine, not just worried. Why didn't you bring your phone?"

"Oh, forgot. Why were you anxious?", he said and released himself to turn and look at me. I looked away not answering. "Joong ?", I could feel his fingertips rubbing the back of my hand.

"Because, I'm afraid that you just left, everything and also...me", I said the last part quietly. He raised his hand and caressed my face. He leaned forward slowly and gave me a soothing kiss, yet my heart felt heavy, causing me to turn away and cleared the clog in my throat. I could hear the heavy sigh that he took.

"I won't do that behind your back, Joong. When the time comes, that we would go our separate way, let there be no bad blood between us".

"Sometimes, I feel the urge to just leave everything behind, whenever I started to doubt our love, that the word separation that keep coming out from you cause me to feel less confident to move another step..."

"I understood, Joong. It must be tiring to be kept on the edge all the time, right? Maybe, we should end..." . I immediately put my palm to his lips, to stop him from continuing.

"No, listen first, Nine, or else you'll only hear the part that hurt you. I'm being honest with my feeling towards you right now...". He gave a small nod for me to continue.

"Do I regret choosing to still come to you even when you warned me from the start? No, never regret it even a bit. The reason of my doubt not because I don't love you, nor distrust your love towards me, Nine. But, in a moment liked this, that you wanted to leave, but had to stay, to be with me for another day, I saw how that hurt your feeling so bad, yet you hide it and chose to bear it alone, rather than hurt me...I felt liked I stole the happiness away from you, for my own selfish greed". My eyes were wet with frustration, so I turned away because I didn't want him to see me as such.

Nine

"How could you steal my happiness, hmm, Joong?", I held his chin and turned his face to look back at me. "From the start, you bring nothing but colour and joy into my gloomy life, so how could you steal something that I didn't own...until you came and shared them with me?". I moved closer and looked into his eyes that were wet, where tears threaten to fall down any moment, but didn't. Because, Joong always kept himself in check, no matter how bad thing went, no matter how hurt he felt inside, he wanted to only show his dependable side when he was with me. He said I could be a crybaby, because he would be the tough one.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I'm staying not because of any pressure Joong, but because I wanted to. Even if I hurt, even if my heart is in pain, just know, it is just me being my sappy self, not because of you". His eyes were searching, he gulped a few times. I waited for him to calm down, let him made the next move when he was ready.

"Let's change the game plan, Nine".

"Wh..What?", his sudden words confused me.

"This separation issue had become a burden to both of us, mess up with our happiness too, no...don't deny it, even if you just said that I am your happiness", he added when I was about to open my mouth to argue. "I was agitated, your feeling was heavy, yes Nine, I saw that too. I just kept my mouth shut because our time together always not much compare to the time apart".

"So, you...you want to...break up with me?", I asked. So, before I do leave, he would do it, first? Well, how to handle this, since I never break up with anyone before, somehow this turn of event left me...dumbfounded.

"Kind of...", he said and smiled.

"Joong, it's not funny", I started to feel agitated and became irritable. He kissed me soundly and still smiling.

"Let stay apart, from each other, for a while. Let see how much we can handle not being together, Nine. Will we miss each other? Be mad at each other? Worried? Or for the better? That, if being apart felt better, then I won't push for anything anymore, Nine. Let just shake hands, and go our separate way".

"Are you testing me, Joong? Are you that confident that I will miss you more?", I asked, wanted to understand the situation.

"No, I'm not testing anyone. Just liked you said, if we would separate without bad blood, then this period would give us a gist, to prepare ourselves mentally...and physically too. Isn't it, Nine?". He looked so calm while suggesting this. I couldn't read what's going on inside his mind, but mine sure was a blank.

"So, it starts...tomorrow?"

"Oh, no. Let us fill this vacation to the brim, eat, play, work me out as you'd promised P'Tha..." he said calmly and stood up, in my confusion, I held the hand that he reached out and stood up too. He laced our fingers together, and as we arrived back inside our room, he continued, "And also workouts with me, as much as you want. Why should we waste this precious time together, right, baby?". The kisses that followed shut up all other words.