california world - dreamnotfound

amante

"awww, that's adorable!" nick gasps, referring to something behind me. i swiftly turn to look too, only to be surprised by clay holding a tiny white stuffed teddy bear in his hand. he's absolutely beaming, happily skipping towards me.

"i hope you like teddy bears george," he says, "cause this one's for you."

he hands the fluffy creature over to me, our fingertips merely brushing against each other as i grab it. i look at the teddy in awe, feeling the heat slowly creeping its way up to my shoulders, my neck and finally, my face. it's barely bigger than my hand, with beady black eyes and a small bow tied around it.

why would clay give this to me? i feel... special. almost like it's a date gift. except it's not, we're just at a carnival with friends. as friends.

nick is throwing me several smug glances so i give him a death glare back.

"d-do you like it?" clay hesitantly asks. damn, that's the first time i've ever heard him stutter before.
"of course i like it," i smile, my cheeks shifting back to the crimson red of before, "i love it. thank you."

clay returns my smile as the conversation dies out. nick starts giggling at my flustered expression, and i have to hit him to get him to stop. he's making this too obvious.

"oh, by the way!" clay exclaims, "i bought you guys tickets for the ferris wheel!"
"don't you wanna go?"
he starts fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he replies: "i'm kinda scared of heights, i'd rather not."

"come on, you'll do just fine! i don't need to go, you go with george instead," nick enthusiastically suggests.
"it's a good way to get used to it i guess," i agree just because i want clay close to me.
"i don't know man.."
"please?"

i tug gently on his wrist, trying to drag him towards the ferris wheel. he looks down at me, into my puppy eyes and laughs quietly.

"whatever. i guess i'll go."

i'm close to throwing myself into his arms like i'd do with nick but i stop myself, remembering that this is clay. it's different. instead i politely start walking towards the ride, catching one last glimpse of nick behind us who's got the "thank me later" look on his face.

i can't help but feel a deep excitement. finally i get to spend some time alone with clay. and on a big ferris wheel of all places. i'll get to see the entire town, all the lit up streets and alleyways and the classic suburban homes. and i'll get to see clay, of course. i can picture it all in my mind.

clay hands our tickets in and we're let into one of the seats. he still looks like he's heavily doubting this, the worry in his expression only growing as time passes. after a family is let into the pod below us we start steadily climbing upwards, leaving the safety below.

i notice clay staring intensely at the ground and tapping his foot aggressively, so i nudge him lightly to make him look at me instead. he immediately diverts his attention, now focusing on my shy gaze.

he takes a deep breath, keeping his eyes where i want them. they're pearly, shimmering in all the colors of the carnival, his silky hair flowing freely in the wind. i can feel him inching closer to me, but i can't tell if it's intentional or done out of fear. i'd hoped to be able to enjoy the beautiful scenery around us, but this is much better. much much better.

"can i hold your hand?"

the question catches me off guard.

"y-yes."

carefully he takes my hand - which is much smaller in comparison to his - and holds it not tightly enough so that it hurts, but still tight. i notice him get calmer from the skin contact. i can feel my heart pumping in my throat, in my ears and everywhere else too for that matter.

clay's cheeks are tinted faintly pink, which doesn't help me. the neon lights outlining the wheel gives his complexion an exotic glow that i can't take my eyes off of. i swear i've stopped breathing. his every characteristic is flawless, from his adorable freckles to his perfectly shaped lips.

all i want is to grab him by his waist and tell him about all these feelings that are driving me insane. tell him how he's making me feel like a million dollars and more, tell him how much i want to cuddle up in his lap and fall asleep with the smell of his cologne still in my nose. tell him how much i want for him to just love me back.