california world - dreamnotfound

slumped

clay's laughter drowns out all other sounds around me, loud and obnoxious as they are. i don't mind at all. it's like a sweet melody to my ears.

i've forgotten what he's laughing at, what we were talking about earlier. i've even forgotten where we're heading, and where we came from. my mind is stuck on clay, and only clay. i'm so stupidly infatuated. how much longer will i be able to keep this in?

"alright, okay, how about..." clay hums after his laughter has died down, "are you a parking ticket? cause you've got fine written aaaall over you!"
"oh my god, what's wrong with you?" i giggle at the verge of tears from the embarrassment.

ah yes, the pick up lines. they've been rolling out the entire night, and with each one i turn more red, only adding to clay's motivation. does he think it's cute? i kinda hope so. i hope he thinks i'm cute.

as he goes silent for a few moments, probably to come up with another line, i turn around to see a lonely nick walking a few feet behind us. god, i feel horrible for making him the third wheel. i just wanted all three of us to have fun together, to enjoy life while clay is still in la. nick's stare is burning into the sidewalk in front of him, almost like he's ashamed of something.

"come on nick," i say and reach my hand out for him to take, only to be met with the same guilt inducing silence as before. he shrugs, shaking his head. my attention is soon brought back to clay, wheezing his lungs off as usual. i decide i'll just have to treat nick later, maybe buy him a ten pack of marlboros, or give him a blow or something, whatever he wants honestly. he's my best friend, my ride or die. i can't keep doing him dirty like this.

i hug my teddy as it's starting to get cold, and clay has yet to start up the conversation again. i gaze out over the city stretching miles ahead of us.

in the distance, multicolored lights from the beach are flickering as the last beach party goers start to make their way home, drunk and most likely drugged too.

i remember my first year of freedom when i would do just that. go to whatever party i could find, take anything and everything to forget or to 'have fun' as i would've put it back then. trying to live that hippie rockstar lifestyle, so glamorous on paper but so destructive in real life. i didn't know half of what i was in for.

i'm scanning the nearby area for a good sleeping spot, discreet and sheltered enough when clay suddenly catches me off guard.

"how was heaven when you left it?"

i instantly feel the blood racing up to my cheeks. clay doesn't even laugh. he just smirks at me, eyes glowing with joy.

"what?"
"yeah, i thought i saw someone falling from the sky. wasn't it you?"

i hide my bright red face in my hands, giggling at the seemingly serious question. this is going too far. i can't control my emotions anymore, and i'm afraid they'll spill out for the world to see. why is he flirting with me this much? if only he knew.

"stop!" i complain, still blushing like a middle school girl.
"don't you like it george? i see you going red," clay taunts.
"can we get to sleep already? i'm tired of your bullshit."

nick speaks up for the first time in ages, pointing towards a hidden alley behind an italian restaurant.

"that place looks decent. they might throw out some food too, so we get a free breakfast."
"sure," i agree, pulling both him and clay in between the buildings.

a mixed odor of greasy cooking oil and cheese hits us we approach the back door of the restaurant, but neither of us have the energy to care. we've walked far enough today, and i just want to sit down and get a good nights rest for once.

clay places himself to the right, furthest away from the back door, and nick sits down to the left of me. i find my own spot in the middle, a good four feet away from both of them. i'm just about to curl up and close my eyes when nick yawns, opening his arms.

"c'mere," he mumbles.

i crawl closer, eventually finding my way into his familiar embrace. the warmth helps me relax.

"don't be shy clay," i chuckle quietly, motioning for him to join us. without a word he gives in, snuggling up to me and nick as the world around me slows down more and more. before i know it i'm drifting off, clay's silky blonde locks brushing against the back of my neck.