california world - dreamnotfound

heavy heart

a few weeks have passed since nick's disappearance. the worry has been steadily growing in me. i thought it would fade and things would clear up as the days passed, but it's hard to not constantly think about him.

one night when i was laying in bed just pondering a haunting thought flashed by. what if he doesn't come back? what if i never get to see my best friend again?

all this time i'd been hoping, hoping with good confidence that he would just appear one day. a knock on the motel door, and a happy reunion. hugs, cuddles. everything would be back to normal. but i'm not so sure about it anymore, and honestly it's terrifying. what if he truly doesn't wanna be associated with me? how will he live on? how will i live on?

i take a nervous drag off my cigarette, sighing as clay is trying to get us into the club. at least i have him here, even though i still can't comprehend why he would stay for so long. his original plan was to stay for a week or two and then go back to florida, but clearly that's out the window. man, what love can do to people.

subconsciously i slide my hand into my pant pocket, feeling the small plastic baggie with my fingertips. didn't i promise clay i wouldn't touch anything like this ever again? don't be stupid now george. think before you do something dumb tonight.

"come georgie!"

his voice is barely audible over the pumping music as he waves me over to the entrance, decorated with bright neon led strips and strobe lights. i swiftly butt my cigarette after one last drag, entering the crowded club hand in hand with my lover.

the air inside is hot and humid as expected. some people are already hitting the dance floor despite the early hour, some are circling around the bar for more drinks and some are casually lounging in whatever peaceful corners they can find. a couple is making out right by the loudspeakers. i chuckle a little as it strongly reminds me of clay and myself.

"wanna get blasted straight away?" he smirks, tugging on my wrist, "don't worry, i've got money."
"why not."

i've never really been to a more high-end club like this one before - if you could even call this average looking place 'high-end' - simply cause i've lacked the money. and to be honest i prefer the cute, run down basement clubs too. i like all things trash.

that's where i find my people. the people who are outcasts, looked down upon by normal society, just like me. they might seem intimidating at first, with their worn old clothes and free attitudes, but once you start talking to them you quickly find out they've got hearts of gold inside. we're all just out here trying to survive after all.

clay leans over the bar, putting a finger up to catch the bartender's attention.

"two glasses of whiskey please."
"woah, we're drinking whiskey now?" i exclaim, surprised.
"my treat, honey."

he drapes an arm around me as we watch our drinks being poured. the heat from his body is making me sweat, but i don't mind. it's not like we won't be sweating tonight anyway.

i grab the glass as soon as it's done, swallowing all of the liquor in a few big gulps. clay turns to me, an almost offended look present on his face.

"god, you animal! you're supposed to drink it slowly!" he scolds, sipping his to show me how it's done.
"i thought we were both animals," i wink, nudging him.
"oh," he whispers in my ear, "you know i'm only an animal in bed baby."

i gasp, giggling and blushing like a little girl. he really knows just what buttons to push to make me weak and flustered.

"how about something more... exotic, next? a sex on the beach, maybe?"
"sure. you don't have to keep buying me fancy ass drinks though, you know that right?"

the smooth lighting behind the bar fades from one color to the next, giving the nightclub yet another luxurious but charming quality. an old school edm song comes to an end, the speakers now blasting a classic by avicii instead. it motivates many people to step onto the floor and forget about all their worries.

girls are wearing nice, tight fitting dresses and most of the men have got casual button-up shirts paired with stylish jeans. nothing like what i'm used to seeing on a night out.

i fondle the ziplock bag once again.

"as i said, my treat."