california world - dreamnotfound

purple static

i'm laying on my back on top of the flower patterned comforter, my two favorite boys snuggled up against me. nick, my ride or die, my best homie, is resting his head on my chest and clay, the literal carrier of my heart and nowadays also my boyfriend is nuzzling my neck. i've got an arm draped around both of them, protecting them from all the evil in the world. no one wants to move, no one wants to get up.

i open my eyes, staring up at the popcorn ceiling and carefully listening to the raindrops clashing against the outdoor roof. the sound is almost therapeutic to me. occasional roaring thunder and raging winds only add to the cozy atmosphere inside the room. i feel like i'm high even though i haven't smoked since the party. i didn't even know this level of happiness was achievable.

"have i ever told you guys i love you?" i hum.
"plenty of times," nick laughs, "and i love you too."
"love you," clay tiredly mutters into the crook of my neck.
"aww, is someone a wittle sweepy?"
"mmm.."

i can feel my heart overflow with cuteness inside my chest. holding back the embarrassing squeaks of awe is getting seriously hard.

"oh yeah by the way guys," nick exclaims, "i forgot to tell you this, but my friend julian.. you know julian right, george?"

i nod, encouraging him to continue.

"him and the other boys are doing a basement gig tomorrow at some girl's place, i saw it on a poster just outside of here."
"i'm guessing you want us to go?"

"hell yeah i do! they're amazing, don't you remember seeing them like last november?"
"uhhh, last november?" i say, confusion very apparent, "no?"
"well i know i went with you, you were definitely there."
"you know what, i probably was, but just too faded to remember it."

nick chuckles, but not because he's entertained. instead, his facial expression changes to a sad one. i carefully let go of clay as he's already fallen asleep so i can hold nick tighter.

"i'm so happy you got out of all that," he sighs, "i couldn't imagine what would've happened otherwise."
"to be honest i did it mostly for you."
"what?"

"yeah. seeing you cold, lost and scared as i kept digging my own grave really woke me up. when i realized how much we needed each other and how much i hurt you every time i went on a bender, it felt like a knife had cut right through me. i really care about you man, and that's why i got clean."

my rant has left him speechless, mouth agape. he wordlessly reaches up and places a little kiss of appreciation on my temple. i just smile at his action, wrapping him up in my arms when he comes crawling back. his fluffy, light brown hair smells of cheap shampoo now that he's finally gotten to take a proper shower.

"and you're following tomorrow, right?" he wonders.
"of course i am. clay too, i'm sure."
"thank you. for everything."