california world - dreamnotfound

street lights

"nick would never say that! i know he wouldn't! he's not homophobic, he's not like-"
"calm down george, come here."

clay stops under a graffitied street light and pulls me into a warming hug, stroking my back with his right hand.

"i just don't understand clay! i really don't..."
"i don't know either baby, but i'm sure he'll be back. he loves you too much to just leave like that."

nick had taken off down an alleyway when the guys let him go. i tried going after him, shouting his name but to no avail. he only seemed to run faster when he saw me behind him, and i ended up being too drunk to catch up. it didn't take long for me to lose him in the dark night.

salty tears are starting to trickle down my face, despite clay's efforts to calm me. he pecks my forehead before letting me cry into his shoulder.

"something is wrong," i sniffle, slurring my words, "why else would he act like that? he's not homophobic, he knew i liked you, i swear he knew! he even thought it was cute.."
"and he doesn't have a phone?"
"no! he doesn't have shit! he's gonna-"

clay hushes me before i can finish my sentence. i can't keep the flood of tears in any longer. my sobs get louder, more desperate.

"nothing bad will happen to him, okay?" he explains, rocking me back and forth, "he might be childish but he isn't dumb. he knows how to survive. and when the time comes and he realizes that he misses us he'll come right back, trust me."

"i-it's just that, i've basically raised him you know? he's the only real family i've ever had apart from you of course."
"i know," he sighs sadly.

the wind howls as it comes rushing between buildings, making this evening even more haunting than it already was. i shiver from the cold it brings. all i want right now is to just fall back onto a comforting bed and pass out, to forget about nick and just sleep it all away. extra points if clay is there to cuddle with me.

"you know what i think?"

i curiously look up at him, eyes red and puffy, but at least the crying's almost stopped.

"i think we should go back to our room and get some well needed rest," he tells me as if he could read my thoughts, "that sound good?"
"yes please, i just wanna sleeeeep," i groan, almost tripping over my own feet.

we both let out a bittersweet laugh at my misjudgment before beginning our journey back to the motel.

clay keeps his fingers intertwined with mine, occasionally walking a little closer to prevent me from bumping into something or falling. i'm impressed at how steady he is and how well he's behaving and dealing with me. he's clearly intoxicated, just arguably less so than me.

"we go lie down under the sheets together, i can tell you stories, maybe sing for you if you want. not that i can sing but whatever," he slurs dreamily, admiring my flushed cheeks.
"stop making me excited," i giggle, "save it until we're there cutie."
"you calling me a cutie, cutie?"
"yes cutie."

my mind is still overwhelmed by worry but clay's small talk as we pass street light after street light is helping disperse the gray cloud. nick will be okay. he will come back soon, and i will get an explanation. he's gone away before, so what's there to worry about this time?