In Return For - B.Gray

21 | new information

-b r y n n-

I was miserable. Beyond miserable. I can't describe exactly how miserable I am, but the fact that I'm enjoying a French soap opera that I do not understand one single word of, goes to show exactly how bored I am.

Lila tries to get me to do stuff with her, or just go to the Cafe, but I don't do that. I also think I might loose my job if I don't show up today, so I have to get up.

Although it's slow money, it's money.

The past two weeks I have done a strict routine of things.

Wake up, watch, eat, watch, eat again, watch, sleep. Oh and did I forget sulk? Ok, let's throw some sulking in there too. Because I'm doing that every step of the way.

Wake up/sulk, watch/sulk, eat/sulk, watch/sulk, eat again/sulk, watch/sulk can't and sleep/sulk. That's better.

I have no doubt believing I made a foolish and dumb mistake. But what can we do now right?

Just yesterday when I was watching Pierre and Jolene on the soap opera, I realized that even though they were shit actors, and I couldn't understand a thing, they loved each other.

And sadly, that was the thing that got me to realize I fell in love with him.

I fell in love with Blake Gray. How amazing, right?

Loving a guy that you don't have a chance with, seems really dumb.

Lila asks me why I watch it, but I didn't want to tell her I loved him. She would go on and make something happen.

And I'm just too done for rejection. Plus, she keeps saying Blake felt something for me. I chose to believe that was her pity speaking.

But the truth was, watching it sort of reminded me of Blake and I. How much fun we had.

We didn't do anything extravagant, but the simple times with him made me feel amazing. And that was how I fell in love with him.

Maybe in a year or two, I'll write a book. The title can be like 'How I Met You're Mother' but in my case, it would be. 'How I Was Stupid Enough To Fall In Love With Blake Gray'.

But that probably wouldn't fit on the cover. Short form? 'HIWSETFILWBG' there. That has a— fun ring to it.

Ugh, who am I kidding. It sounds trash.

After getting home from work, I realize Lila wasn't there. Where was she? I felt bad for letting my friend down, once again. And how did I expect for her to open up to me if I keep shutting her out?

I was a hypocrite.

When I step in, her bed is made, telling me she did come home? Last night she went out fast and told me she would be home late. Turns out, she didn't come home at all.

I called her, asking because I was worried, and she said she might be home the next day, and she still isn't home.

But her bed is made. She came back.

I step out of our dorm and go to the lawn outside to see if her car was near, but it wasn't. Huh?

When I stepped farther out, I also noticed how empty it was. How was it so empty? The only time it had been so empty was when it was Thanksgiving break and everyone was gone.

But even then there were a couple people there. Here, there was absolutely no one. As I turn around in my spot to get some sort of look at something, I feel something cold hit my nose.

Then again, and then again, but it was now all over my hands, and the grass I was standing on.

It took me a second to realize that it was— snow? There was snow in California? Is this was climate change is? Global warming?