❝ you don't need someone to depend on to stand up on your own. ❞
rosé is a singer-songwriter who hasn't moved on from her abusive ex. she believes she's still in love with him and can only depend on him, not until she met jimin and made her change h...
I woke up with a smile from my face, immediately starting off my day so bright and happy. But what I am planning for today is not really bright.
I have been thinking about what Jimin said yesterday. Well, besides the confession he just made.
last night . . .
"By the way, how's your song?" He asked while we were eating.
"Doing so well. I'm almost done. I feel like I just need fo add a few lines, change some wordings a bit to fit what I want to convey. Then, I could record it!" I said with big smile on my face.
"Nice, I'm glad! Can't wait to hear it."
"I'm wondering though, how are you feeling?" I asked hesitantly, then I thought it was a weird way to say it so I tried to explain it.
"I mean, if you like me all this time then how did you feel about this? I mean, me, constantly talking about my ex like I already had gotten over from him. Didn't you feel anything?"
He stopped eating for awhile and probably thought of the question I asked before replying.
"Well, I can't lie that I didn't feel anything. Of course, I felt uncomfortable. But I felt more anger and sad. I didn't really thought of my feelings because I was thinking about yours. How you might've felt. I also felt frustrated because of how you were still drawn to such guy whom you already know is a bad person.
"I mean, he didn't just emotionally hurt you, Chae. He physically abused you. And it frustrates me how I wasn't there to protect you when that actually happened. Still, I tried to empathize with you and tried to understand you. Because I just like you." He said with a shrug before taking a bite.
"Do you," I hesitated. "Do you think I'm stupid in love?"
He seemed taken aback and surprised with my question. I'm also surprised too, but I have to get an opinion from someone and I hope to have an honest opinion.
"Yes, Chae. You are stupid when it comes to love. But you are not alone. We all are. We become stupid because of love. It's still a mystery for all of us as to why it does this to us. Although sometimes we aren't even aware that we're making a fool out of ourselves.
...But I think sometimes, sooner or later you would realize it. And I think it's your choice if you want to drown yourself in stupidity or not."
present . . .
Although I am still not entirely sure of my plan. Or whether if I'm even thinking straight. But what he said had motivated me.
It was an eye-opener for me. So, I got ready to go out. Before I go to work, I will go somewhere else. To a place where I don't dare to go even with how much I wanted to.
A knock on the door was all I did and waited for him to answer. Instead, it was a girl who answered whom I assume is his new girlfriend.
"So, what's the famous singer, Rosé, doing here in our apartment?"
"I need to speak to Chan."
"Not gonna happen even if you're a celebrity." She said and was about to close the door.
"Wait!"
"Honey, who is that?" I heard Chan's distant voice in the background.
He then come to peak in and I could see his grin as he landed his eyes on me. I felt shivers went up from my spine and the feeling of fear starts to crawl around. What I was shocked about is that I no longer feel the longing for him. I no longer miss him.
⋱♡⋰
They let me in. They offered me something to drink, but I turned it down saying that I won't stay long.
"Honey, can you leave me and Chaeyoung here for a while. We'll talk." Chan said.
Her girlfriend looked at him and then at me. "Why do I need to leave?"
"You don't have to," I quickly replied. "You can hear whatever I want to say to him."
With that, she stayed. I kinda see the frustration in Chan's face. I knew that once we're alone, hell will be released. Besides, I still don't feel safe around him. And I figured at least have his girlfriend around can maybe protect me or at least keep me calm.
"So, I don't know how you two are doing now. I don't what he told you about me but I hope nothing changes between you too. After all, I still care for Chan and I want you two to still be together. I don't intend of ruining relationships here." I started before continuing.
"Chan, I want you to stop. Stop whatever you were doing and whatever you were planning. I cannot take anymore abuse from you." I said while looking straight to his eyes.
"Wait what, abuse?-"
"I already explained myself 2 years ago. It's up to you whether you want to accept it or not. You can think whatever you want but I know that I did nothing. I know I did everything that I could.
"Now, I want to leave all of those behind. I had enough. I won't charge you with the domestic abuse from back then and also from 3 days ago but when you come after me again I won't be forgiving-"
I was then cut off with a furious ex who took down the lampshade that was just beside him. I flinched a little bit but I have to show him that I'm no longer affected by it. That he cannot plant fear into me any longer.
"Chan!" His girlfriend called out but he didn't even paid any attention to her.
"Like I said, I had enough. So, I hope we should move into our separate ways. Again, I apologize for our past. I hope you find joy and love with her. I hope that you don't hurt her like how you hurt me." I said, pertaining to his current girlfriend.
I then got up and left. I don't know if his girlfriend knew about him being abusive towards me but I'll just hope that they'll talk about it to each other.
Once I got out of the apartment, my knees weakened and I finally got to breath out heavily. Relieved that I didn't made a fool out of myself. I stood firmly and didn't cry a single tear.
I took a couple of breaths again before leaving with satisfaction.
ʚ♡ɞ
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