searching the stars // h.s.

02

it's been two hours. the party has been over four two hours.

i wasn't worrying a few minutes ago but now my brain doesn't know what to think.

i reach for my phone and text the group chat, hoping they'll give me an explanation.

me:
hey, is the party
over yet?

yes. good job maryah. simple, yet straight to the point.

mikey:
maryah, the party ended
a few hours ago.

luke:
uhh

my heart stops. this is a joke. calum hasn't been home for a few hours and the party is over?

if he was staying there then michael would've told me. i know he would.

me:
seriously?

ash:
why are you asking?

my heart is pounding in my ears now. i can't see straight. they wouldn't lie to me. at least michael wouldn't. i hope.

i set my phone down and put my head into my hands.

calum is a great guy. he wouldn't do anything with out me knowing. i know he wouldn't.

i just have to text him. just make sure he's okay.

me:
hey, are you almost home?

i don't want to seem clingy but i don't want him to be in a situation where he's hurt and i don't know. maybe there's just bad traffic.

bby cal:
i said i was. go to sleep.

his response comes off as anger and it hurts me a bit. he knows that i worry. he knows that i get in my head. maybe he had a bad night.

he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. he wouldn't do anything with out me knowing. he's an amazing guy.

me:
right, sorry.

i apologize and i feel like it's the right thing to do.

there's a feeling in my chest like i'm being lit on fire and no one can stop it. they can just watch me burn.

i glance back down to see if he responded but i just see that he left me on read.

he never does that.

i set my phone down again and walk to the bathroom. i turn on the water and stare at myself in the mirror, pointing out my flaws.

i slip out of my clothes and get into the shower.

as the water burns my skin i can't help but imagine what calum is probably doing right now.

i slide down to the shower floor and begin to cry.

what if he's going to break up with me when he gets home?

we grew up together. a simple sentence ruining our relationship would hurt like hell.

this would be my worst break up.

i get out of the shower after about an hour of crying and walk back into the bedroom. i'm drying my hair off with one towel as another one is wrapped around my body.

i walk over to our closet and begin looking through it when my phone vibrates on the bed. i set the shirt i'm holding down and pick up my phone.

mikey:
hey...cal is with heather,
he left the party with her.

the message causes me to fall onto the bed, my heart racing.

calum wouldn't do that. he wouldn't.

i close my eyes and try to think of happy things to ground myself before i send myself into a panic attack.

as i finally calm myself down, the alarm beeps, signalling that the front door has been opened. i hear a familiar sigh as footsteps come towards the room.

"hi baby." calum smiles, setting the keys on the dresser and taking his jacket off. i smile softly as he walks over to where i'm sitting, placing a kiss onto my head.

my smile instantly fades when i smell coconut. neither of our signature scents are coconut.

i pull away from him and try to act like i didn't smell it.

"how was the party?" i ask, trying to distract myself and he takes his shoes off, placing them onto the rack.

"it was alright. i'm a bit tired though." he takes his pants and shirt off, climbing into bed.

"was heather there?" i ask, trying to spark a conversation and he rolls away from me.

"i'm tired. we can talk all about it tomorrow." he sighs and i try not to cry.

"okay. goodnight." i whisper, standing up and pulling the shirt i was previously holding over my head.

i slip into some shorts as well before walking over to the dresser, where his jacket is.

i grab some socks and glance at his jacket, seeing an empty condom wrapper poking out of the pocket.

"do you want me to put your jacket up?" i ask, reaching for the jacket as he quickly runs over to me, shoving my wrist away. i flinch and hold where the pain is, looking up at him in disbelief.

"it's fine. i have to leave early tomorrow so it'll be easier to keep it here." he stands between me and the jacket and i feel my heart shatter.

"right. sorry." i apologize, walking back over to the bed.

i climb into bed and turn my lamp off, trying to hold in how hurt i am.

he doesn't say anything. he just climbs into bed as well, turning his own lamp off.

tonight though, he doesn't wrap his arms around me or give me a goodnight kiss. tonight he turns his back to me and falls asleep quicker than usual.

tonight he isn't the same person i fell in love with.