searching the stars // h.s.

12

"it'll be a ten minute wait." the woman at the front desk takes the clipboard from me once i'm finished signing in and i nod.

i slowly walk over to an empty seat and sit down. there's a few other people in here, each with different emotions.

the elderly woman sitting in the corner looking at the food channel magazine looks like she comes here often so she's not nervous. she looks tired.

the teen girl sitting beside her mom can't seem to stay concentrated on only one thing, so her eyes keep looking around. she's chipping the nail polish off of her fingers as her mom scrolls aimlessly through her phone.

there are two children playing with the toys in the opposite corner as their mom rocks a baby back and forth.

there's a man at the opposite end of the row i'm sitting on and he looks like he hasn't gotten a break in months.

before i can analyze the others, my name is called by a woman in a beige dress.

"maryah?" she asks as i stand up and approach her. i nod softly and she quietly walks me to a room.

"what brings you here today?" she asks, closing the door softly as i sit on the sofa.

"my friend louis told me i should probably come in to talk to someone." i wipe my hands on my pants nervously as she sits across from me.

"this louis character, he seems like a big part of your life. how did the two of you meet?" she asks, opening her notebook and clicking her pen.

"through my soulmate, harry." i begin to explain as she quickly writes. "harry was with louis while i thought he was actually forming feelings for me."

"now you and louis are friends?" she asks and i nod. "what about harry?"

that's a weighted question.

"we have our moments." i try not to talk too much and she nods.

"is harry the reason you came in today?"

"he kind of is, but its a bigger situation that pushed me over the edge."

"what is the bigger situation?" she asks and i feel myself dissociating as a form of self defence. "maryah you were sent to me for a reason. i can't do my job as a therapist, if you don't tell me what's wrong."

her voice is soft and gentle and it makes me feel safe.

"he thinks i flirted with him but i don't think i did. it just caused a lot of issues."

"how can i help?" she asks and i sigh.

"put a price on emotion." i mumble softly.

"what?" she gives me a questioning look.

"i'm looking for something to buy." i look down at my hands that are now shaking.

i honestly just want harry to talk to me. not just empty small talk but like the conversations we used to have.

"so you're numb? okay," she writes something down then speaks again. "did this all start after the situation with harry, or before?"

i shrug softly since i don't care enough to think about it.

"man, i can hate him sometimes." i whisper, hoping it's not loud enough for her to hear.

"did the two of you fight because of your different opinions?" she asks and i look up at her.

"if he thinks i'm a home wrecker then i probably am."

"you said you didn't flirt with him though?" she gives me a confused look and i shrug, shaking my head.

"you don't have to be in the house to burn it down."

"you didn't even touch the match though." she closes her notebook, turning all of her attention to me. "he just saw you get burnt. i'm sorry he doesn't understand your side of the story."

"it's okay." i smile softly at her gentleness with me.

usually people are gentle with me like i'm a bomb, but she's gentle with me like i'm a flower.

not like she doesn't want me to blow up, but like she doesn't want me to get hurt.

maybe that's what therapists are for. they're here so you feel like someone is on your side.