searching the stars // h.s.

05

"so..." madison places her phone in her pocket and turns to me.

"so?" i repeat her statement as a question, confused as to why she's choosing now to talk.

i convinced michael to come over to madison's house with me today. he left just a second ago to get us lunch, leaving me and madison alone.

"so, are the two of you dating yet?" madison asks and i try my best not to laugh in her face. she has to be joking.

"me and michael?" i ask, raising my eyebrows. there's no way she's being serious.

"yeah..?" she responds as if i'm supposed to know who she's talking about. "no maryah, you and the muffin man."

"no." i shake my head. "we're just friends."

"not with the way he looks at you." she takes a sip of her water and i laugh.

"sure." i roll my eyes. "whatever you say."

"i'm serious." she sets her water down before turning a full body towards me. "he watches you when you're not looking and he smiles at you like an idiot."

i feel my stomach do a flip and before i can respond, the door opens.

"guess who finally came back." michael holds the bags of food above his head and i smile.

"hey!" i glance back at madison, rolling my eyes and giving her a 'we will have this conversation later' look.

we sit and eat for a few minutes, talking about how life has changed since i moved back and how crazy things have gotten.

"is it just a rumour or did maryah really leave college because it felt like a job?" michael laughs and i give him a stare that could kill.

"well-" madison begins to answer when i interrupt her, holding my hand up to michael.

"his mom and dad both think he's a slob." i throw him under the bus and he shoves me playfully.

"hey," he looks at me and i laugh. "i've got a shot though."

"yeah, he's got a shot though." i roll my eyes and the three of us laugh.

for a moment i catch myself thinking about calum. is he with heather right now? i hope he's happy.

then i begin thinking about harry. maybe he's with camille and they're out laughing as her hair blows in the wind.

heather and camille are both gorgeous and i'm just...me.

"maryah," madison places her hand on my arm. "are you okay?"

"yeah." i quickly smile, acting like i don't wish i were someone else.

maybe then people would stop leaving.

"have you talked to harry since that day at the coffee shop?" she asks and i feel michael look at me.

shit.

"oh, harry. no, i haven't." i quickly shake my head, avoiding the urge to look at michael.

i haven't told him about me seeing harry because i can barely wrap my own mind around it.

"i'm tired, i think i'm going to leave. i had fun." michael places his food back into the bag and he stands up.

i turn to madison and frantically hand her my food before following michael out the door.

"mikey." i call after him, leaving the house. "mikey please look at me."

he slowly stops walking, turning around to face me.

"why didn't you tell me?" he asks, his voice sounds sad but there's no emotions on his face.

"i didn't think you would-" i begin to explain and he laughs, causing me to stop.

"let me guess, you didn't think i would understand?" he says exactly what i was planning on saying.

"well i just didn't know how you would react."

"maryah," he steps towards me and i back away with the fear that he might hurt me. "i was there for you when harry led you on only for you to find out that he was with louis. i was there when calum left you for some girl named heather."

"michael-"

"i've always been there for you no matter what so why wouldn't i understand?" his eyes are filled with tears now. "i'm your best friend and you're treating me like i haven't been one of the only consistent people in your life."

"you know i didn't mean it like tha-" i try to apologize but he shakes his head.

"you sound like harry." he spits the words at me like they taste bad and i feel all the air leave my body.

"that's not fair." my voice cracks and i shake my head.

"maryah i'm so sorry." he places his hand over his mouth and uses the other to try and reach out to me but i back away.

"no you're not." i hold my hand out, keeping him at arms length. "if you didn't mean it then you wouldn't have said it."

"please let me explain." he tries to grab my hand but i pull away.

"i don't have time for this. i've heard all of the lousy apologies." i blink the tears away. "i just thought you were different."

"you didn't tell me that you were talking to him." he tries to justify his words and i shrug.

"we're friends." i laugh softly. "i spoke to him once and found out he had a girlfriend. you're acting like i had sex with him."

"no, i just-"

"he's my soulmate, michael. i can't run from him forever."

"yeah but you can tell me when you talk to him. i know you're still in love with him." he shakes his head.

"well you're acting like you're in love with me or something."

as soon as the words leave my mouth, realization hits me like bus. he stares at me, speechless before running his hand through his hair.

"i have to go." he backs away from me. "we're recording today."