Nothing Worth Having Ever Comes Easy

Chapter 11

It was the morning after the night before and my head was pounding, whether it was because I’d had one too many to drink last night or because of the unbelievable amounts of crying I did but I felt awful. I turned over to face Jonah only to find that he was already awake with his eyes focused on me. "Morning babe" he said "morning" I echoed though I really wished it wasn’t. Despite all the trauma and upset which occurred last night it was by far the best night I’d had in a very long time, I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want to leave this bed to have to go to work and to later have to go back to Marcus. I was happy right here, if I’m completely honest I don’t want to face anyone, not today, too much had happened. I just wanted to be left alone to spend some quality time with the man I loved. He noticed I was distant "what’s wrong beautiful" he said, moving my hair from my eyes and moving in closer, I sighed "nothing, I just don’t want this to end" "I know me either Ces but it’s the way it’s got to be for now. We can’t be together like this all the time, not yet. You’re with my dad and you’re my teacher but in time all these things will change" "yeah, you’re right and I’ll tell you something J, by tonight I’ll only be your teacher. I’m going to finish it with your dad. Its Wednesday today right?" he looked at me gone out "yeah but what has that got to do with anything?" "Well, I don’t have any lessons period 5 and 6 so I’ll go back then and pack my things. I’ll wait for him to get home from work and I’ll speak to him. Explain everything to him, leaving out a few details of course" "are you sure Ces, I know you think I’m who you want to be with but it’s going to be so hard you might need someone like my dad to talk to, someone to go to when things get too much. I’ll always be here for you and I want nothing more than for us to live together but only if you’re sure that it’s what you want" "you know that I do J, I need you and I want you more than anything else in the world, give it a few months and I’ll leave Waterloo Road then we’ll be free" "you have no idea how much I’m willing that day to come" I giggled "me too". Without saying as much as another word I headed for the shower.

I stopped the car a few streets before Waterloo Road so that Jonah could get out. He looked me directly in the eye and wrapped his hand around mine "we’ll be okay Ces, keep smiling. I’ll see you at break. I love you" "I know we will, thank you J, for everything I really mean it. I’ll see you soon, I love you too" I loved the way he could make me feel so happy even when things were so dull. He jumped out of the car and slammed the door shut; he waved as he watched me drive off. I parked my car in the same place as I did yesterday, it was strange the way that little things like this made me feel so much safer and in control. I took one deep breath before getting out of the car myself and heading to my classroom, as I made my way down the corridors I bumped into several colleges including Steph Haydock who asked me to cover her lesson Period 6 which I couldn’t as I already had plans so I had to tell her just that "I’m sorry Steph but I’ve got lessons I need to plan any other day I would but I haven’t brought any of my prep with me, I was planning to head off after lesson 4" I rambled on and she laughed at me though she did try to hide it "no worries Cesca, at least you’re using your time productively, truth be told I’m only asking because I’m on a promise, no urgency" "okay Steph, like I said, I’m really sorry though I’m sure a woman of your calibre has plenty of promises to cash in" she shook her head and strutted off in her ridiculously inappropriate high heels. I got to my classroom with only 15 minutes to go until form time. I suddenly felt dizzy and my palms began to get sweaty, I knew exactly what was happening but I had no idea how I could stop it. It was my anxiety and it was back with vengeance. I sat myself down and breathed deeply attempting to calm down, I hadn’t got my tablets with me in fact I don’t think I had any back at the house either, I’d decided to stop taking them a long time ago. I didn’t feel as though I needed to though now I realise that I do, it must be the stress of mine and Jonah’s relationship. I knew that I was in no fit state to teach so I picked up my bag and went to find Rachel.

I got to her office and knocked on the door though I didn’t expect to see Max Tyler stood before me. "Can I help you?" he said sharply "erm, erm" I froze "I was just wondering if I could have a word with Rachel please" I felt like a child again, I was so nervous and panicky "I’m afraid she isn’t in today so you’ll have to deal with me. What is wrong with you?" I felt extremely intimidated by him, I didn’t feel comfortable in explaining my situation to him so instead I decided to tell a little white lie "I wasn’t feeling to good this morning" "oh dear" he interrupted "and I’ve just been sick in the toilet" I continued "well you’d better get home then hadn’t you. I’ll be expecting you back in the morning though" I didn’t respond, I just rushed away and back to my car, he made me feel very self-conscious and awkward. Once I’d got in the car I pulled my phone from my bag and texted Jonah ‘hey J, I’ve come back home, I’m not feeling too well, if you can get out please come back. There’s no need to worry but there’s something I need to tell you. See you soon, love C xxx’ after I’d sent it I went back to Marcus’ so I could get some clean clothes before heading back to the flat. I needed to feel close to Jonah and that wasn’t going to happen by staying at his dads that would only make me feel worse. After I’d got changed and snuggled down in bed I heard my phone vibrate, he had texted me back, saying ‘I’m on my way back now, see you really soon beautiful J xxxxx’ my face instantly lit up, I couldn’t believe how willing he was to drop everything for me but I did also feel a little guilty, our relationship had barely started and I was already interfering with his A-levels.