The babysitter - Taekook

FIFTEEN

"W-What did you mean by that?"

Jeongguk looks at the other, a bewildered look on his face. Out of all things, he hasn't expected Taehyung to ask exactly this question.

It surprises him that the elder has listened to him so closely that he has noticed him saying this. Jeongguk himself can't even remember that he's said it.

"Uhm- I- like I said, you don't have to answer me if you don't want to. It was a bad idea to ask- I- I'm sorry, just forget about it-"

"No, no, it's alright, really", Jeongguk stops the other's rambling softly, "I just... didn't expect this question but you did nothing wrong, don't worry."

Taehyung lets out a relieved sigh. He probably misinterpreted Jeongguk's silence and thought that the younger would be angry or wouldn't want to talk about it.

But this wasn't the case, not at all. Jeongguk doesn't mind talking about it - it isn't a secret. It's just that it's still an emotional topic for him to talk about, although it's not that fresh anymore.

But he knows for a fact that it really helps to talk to someone about it. Jeongguk didn't believe this at first but after he started talking with his family and friends about it, he felt a lot better.

And maybe it could even help Taehyung. Perhaps the elder would see that he's not alone with his fate and that Jeongguk did not lie as he said he could understand him.

And maybe, he could get Taehyung to open up a bit and not just making up for himself.

"Well, it was a while ago. I had a boyfriend, we were together since we were like- 15? He was a great person, loved by everyone. So it was no wonder that I fell for him. But I was really surprised to see that he fell for me too.  We did everything together, you know. He was my first everything.", Jeongguk smiled at the memory of his beloved boyfriend.

"We even said we would marry one day. He gave me a bracelet, as a promise that he would propose to me one day." Jeongguk lets out a shaky breath.

"Well.. it was a day like any other. He slept at mine and we had breakfast together. Suddenly, we got in an argument, a pretty bad one. We didn't argue often and if we did, we made up soon afterwards. But this time, it was different. He got very angry and wanted to leave. I ran after him and wanted to make up again, since i hate to part ways in the bad but he didn't listen and drove away. A few hours later I got a call from the hospital that he died in a car accident. They said that he was already dead as the paramedics arrived.", Jeongguk ends, his voice small and shaky, as he tries hard to hold back his tears.

"You know, I just feel so bad. Maybe he would have driven slower if we hadn't argued. I- I miss him so much."

"I'm so sorry.", Taehyung says in a quiet voice. "But please know that it's not your fault."

Jeongguk sniffles, "Yeah, I know that, I just can't stop making those accusations."

Then Taehyung does something completely unexpected. He pulls Jeongguk closer and hugs him tightly. Taehyung slowly rubs the younger's back as he softly sways them both from side to side.

Even though Jeongguk's caught by surprise, he immediately hugs Taehyung back. He doesn't know why, but he feels so safe with the elder.

He doesn't know where this is coming from but he feels like he could tell Taehyung everything, he trusts him. And he himself doesn't even know why he feels like that about a man that he's known only for a few weeks.

Jeongguk calms down quickly, still in Taehyung's arms. They both pull away.

"How do you do that?", Taehyung asks in a small voice.

Jeongguk frowns, "What do you mean?"

"You're so positive. You seem so happy. You have such a big heart, you only see the best in everyone and you want to help everybody. How do you manage to be like that? How could you pull yourself up again after all this? I try to - I really do. I want to pull myself together but I can't."

Jeongguk takes one of Taehyung's hands in his and looks in the elder's eyes. "It's not easy, Taehyung. It doesn't just... come. It takes a lot of time, patience and tears. But you need to talk to someone. It helps a lot, you know. If you don't open up, you'll break sooner or later. You don't have to talk immediately, only when you're ready. But keep in mind that it'll really help you."

Taehyung squeezes Jeongguk's hand softly. "Thank you.", he whispers quietly, but loud enough for Jeongguk to hear.

"Does- does it ever stop hurting?", Taehyung questions softly, a pained expression on his face.

"Not really. It gets better with time but it never stops. You just learn to deal with it somehow.", Jeongguk answers honestly, giving the older male a sad smile.

"I'm sorry for bringing it up. I didn't want to make you sad.", Taehyung apologizes.

"Don't worry. Like I said I don't mind. It's not a secret you know."

Just as Taehyung's about to reply something a loud wail can be heard. Almost immediately, Jeongguk can see how Taehyung's expression hardens a bit as he hears his son. Taehyung pulls his hand away from Jeongguk's, leaving nothing but coldness.

"I look after him.", Jeongguk says as he gets up and goes upstairs to look after the crying baby.

Taehyung bites his lip as his eyes follow the younger walking out of the living room. Taehyung has to admit that he's very grateful for someone like Jeongguk.

The younger makes him feel understood and when he's with him he feels safe. Since it's already late and he's tired from his long day of work, he decides to go to bed.

He turns off all the lights and makes his way upstairs.

Taehyung sees light shine out of the baby's room that door's opened a bit. He can hear Jeongguk singing a lullaby with this soft voice of his.

Taehyung debates with himself what to do until he decides to approach the door quietly. He looks inside, seeing Jeongguk standing there with the baby in his arms.

Taehyung's built-up walls begin to crumble at the sight. His son. That's his son. Just as he wants to walk inside the room, he sees the hospital, he hears the cries of his girlfriend again and the pitiful expression of the doctor.

Taehyung shakes his head and quickly turns around and rushes to his room. He closes the door behind himself and sits down on the bed, tears streaming down his face.

He just can't understand it. Why did everything have to go so wrong?