The babysitter - Taekook

FORTY-ONE

Jeongguk wants to reach out to the elder but Taehyung flinches and shifts backwards, so that he's touching the wall behind himself again.

"Taehyung love-" Jeongguk lifts his hand again to touch his boyfriend but Taehyung slaps it away before he can reach him.

"Don't call me that. Do you even realize what you've done huh? Have you looked at the clock only one time? Only. one. time? No surely no. Then you wouldn't have come home two hours later. Have you thought about me only once? About your boyfriend that's worried sick at home? You're so endlessly irresponsible do you even realize that?"

Taehyung looks at the younger with a gaze full of anger and hurt, breathing heavily after his outbreak.

Jeongguk looks at his boyfriend in shock. He didn't expect him to talk like that. One lonely tear is running down his cheek, followed by many more.

He's crying quietly, not bothering to wipe his tears away.

"Taehyung I- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." he begins weakly. "I don't even have a right excuse you know."

"I forgot the time and as I saw how late it is then I wanted to call you, I really did, but my phone had died without me noticing. I tried to go home as soon as possible after that. And honestly I really hoped you would sleep already." Jeongguk explains honestly.

"Tae please." The younger male lets out a sob.

"You should know the best how much this hurts. You've gone through a loss as well so don't you think I would want to know when my boyfriend comes home two whole hours later as expected. I'm so scared of losing you and then you expect me to stay calm?" Taehyung spits with tears running down his face. Jeongguk can't say if those are sad or angry ones, he just realized that he made a big mistake.

He was being inconsiderate, Taehyung is right. In fact, Jeongguk does know how it feels like to be scared of someone not returning home and getting involved in a car accident. He knows how it feels like to lose somebody in a car accident.

And Taehyung's wound is still so fresh, it's completely normal that he gets scared easily. And the nightmare hasn't made it easier either.

With a more than broken and guilty expression on his face, Jeongguk looks up to his boyfriend, trying to reach out to him again. But before he can say anything, Taehyung speaks up.

"I- I can't do this right now, I need to get out of here." With this, he gets up from his sitting position.

But before he reaches the door, Jeongguk springs up and rushes over to take ahold of his boyfriend's arm, making the latter stop in his track.

"No, Tae. Whatever you do don't leave- don't- no- Tae stay here. Don't do this to me- scream, shout, do whatever you want to do but don't leave." Jeongguk stumbles over his own words as he tries desperately to stop Taehyung.

This happened once and he won't ever let it happen again. "Please." he whispers between sobs that rack his body.

Taehyung stares back at him, equally hurt and broken. And that's when he realizes that that's the thing. Equally. They're hurting equally.

Taehyung squeezes his eyes shut before opening them again. He turns to be able to look better at his boyfriend.

Taehyung tends to say hurtful things when he's sad or hurt. He tends to only think about himself at those moments, and only now he realizes how selfish and wrong this is.

Sure, he's hurting but Jeongguk is too. It certainly wasn't the younger's intention to worry him like that. And now, Taehyung screams at him and says hurtful words.

He thinks he has the right to do it as Taehyung was scared that something happened to Jeongguk. And then, he wants to leave after an argument with his boyfriend.

The boyfriend that's lost someone because of it, because of leaving after a fight. Taehyung feels the guilt settle in his stomach as he's looking at the terrified expression on Jeongguk's face.

"Darling, I'm sorry I won't leave okay?" Taehyung says as he makes a few step towards his boyfriend. Jeongguk seems to relax at the statement, calming a bit down.

"Jeongguk I- god I'm so fcked up." Taehyung whispers as he runs his hand over his face. "I hurt you like crazy with my words cause I had a nightmare. I only hurt you. All I've ever done is hurting you, don't you see it?"

Jeongguk shakes his head hastily, taking ahold of the elder's hands and stepping closer.

"Taehyung don't say that okay? You have your reasons. After everything that happened to you- it's normal for you to react like that. I am like that too okay? It's normal to fear that you could lose your partner after what we've both experienced." Jeongguk speaks in a soft voice. He knows that being screamed at is the last thing that Taehyung needs right now.

Taehyung releases a shaky breath as he answers, grip tightening on Jeongguk's hands. "It's just- I want to be strong for you, you know. And I really am not lying when I say that I feel a lot better already than only a few weeks ago. But this today- I- I was absolutely terrified, seeing you weren't here. I'm so scared of being alone again."

Jeongguk frowns at those words, a really bad feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. He can only imagine what Taehyung must have gone through.

Jeongguk retracts one of his hands from Taehyung to caress the elder's cheek lovingly. "You don't need to be strong in front of me, Tae. That's what I'm here for. For you to lean on. We both are each others rocks in the surf. You can always lean on me. And I promise you, you'll never be alone again. You won't get rid of me anytime soon."

Taehyung releases a chuckle, weak and hoarse, but genuine. "I wouldn't want it any other way." He leans forward to lean his forehead on Jeongguk's, looking deeply into his eyes.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I really try to change you know. I always say hurtful things when I'm in rage and I apologize for that. I hate that about myself and I'll work on it."

Jeongguk smiles softly. "Take your time and do only what you're comfortable with. I love you with all your flaws." he whispers. "And I'm sorry as well. From now on, I'll always call you. And please, let's not argue again. I nearly got a heartattack and I really don't like you being mad at me."

"Agreed." Taehyung responds, smiling lightly. "I just was so scared. So unbelievably scared." he adds, barely above a whisper. "And that's because I care for you so much. Because I love you so much and I could never live without you."

Jeongguk's face softens and his heart beat accelerates. With a smile, he leans in, catching his boyfriend's lips.

Taehyung places his arms securely around the younger's waist as Jeongguk's hands are both cradling the elder's face. They deepen their kiss, not wanting to let go.

Taehyung softly bites Jeongguk's lips, causing Jeongguk to gasp what enables Taehyung to slip his tongue in. They're battling for dominance that Taehyung easily wins.

To both man's dismay they have to pull apart soon as they are in need of air.

"I was so scared about you- I thought I've lost you. Don't ever scare me like that again." Taehyung whispers and reaches forward afterwards to kiss his boyfriend one more time."And I don't know what's been going on with me. I wasn't myself."

Jeongguk only shakes his head. "I know- and it's okay, don't worry about that anymore." Jeongguk answers as they pull apart.

"I love you so much Jeongguk."

"I love you more Taehyung."