My story

1/5/15

It's 1:20 AM

I'm schizophrenic. I haven't felt suicidal in a very long time.

I have BPD ((read up on it please)). People with BPD have trouble being alone for long periods of time. My schizophrenia and BPD go hand in hand.

I wrote this.

S. Note

I'm sorry I'm gone. I guess that if you're reading this I'm gone.

Then again I'm not sorry at all.

I bet everyone is very happy that I'm gone. Ecstatic.

I always say the wrong things or things that make no sense.

I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself

1. All of my friends hate me-

My friends are so nice to me, even when I screw up. They don't usually get mad at me ever. But I know deep down no one will ever really like me or think I'm cool, or smart, or a good person.

2. I'm stupid-

I'm probably going to fail all of my classes and my finals and everything I try. I want to do great things but I am a failure at everything. I most likely will be living on the streets when I'm 20 and people will try to kill me just because they will know how stupid I am.

3. I'm screwed up-

I have so many mental disorders, some that don't even have cures. I'm not on meds like I should be. I will most likely never be normal because I'm anxious and suicidal and stupid. I was abused and I don't even remember my childhood.

4. The voices tell me to-

They've been yelling at me for the past hour to end it. My grandmother is in my head telling me to. She's always wanted it. Mo wish I would've drowned in the bathtub at her house. That way I wouldn't be living like this. I see the black shadow guy in the corner staring at me. He will kill me in my sleep so I can just sleep and let that happen.

5. My 'friends' would-

They do it in my head. They tell me all of the things I've done wrong. I've done so many things I'm surprised the... Thoughts(?) don't last longer.

I'm on the floor. They've beat me to be there. They tell me how I'm the worst person ever and how I've ever made them mad and how much I've messed up their lives. Then they throw a blade next to me on the floor, or pills, or even a necklace and I know, I know what I'm supposed to do.

I'm supposed to do what I never have the guts to do in the day.

Kill myself.

6. I am a puppet-

I will do whatever my parents ask

Then somebody kik' me and made me feel happy.

((BPD causes all emotions to be magnified.))

I'm sorry I bore you people with my writing. I'm also sorry I never update anything. I try my hardest I swear.

Well that's it for today.

((There's a shadow man in the corner still though. That happens a lot so I don't really care. We feel the same emotions at the same time and stuff.))

It's 1:25 AM