Be Natural | ssw.pcy

Chapter 17: Insomnia

Days has passed when we celebrate Chanyeol's birthday. It's me who can't get over that day. I didn't know what has gotten to me to say that L word. Then again, I'm avoiding him.

He didn't actually heard it clearly because of the loud music in the main venue. 

|flashback|

"What was that?" He asked. I got nervous, so I pretended like he's asking for the title.

"My day is full of you."  

"No, the last thing you said." I look at him skeptical. I feel so dumb right now.

"Huh? What did I say?"

"Never mind. But is it really the title? My day is full of you?" I nodded. 

"Wahhh. I'm imagining things again. I thought you're just saying a sweet things to me, but I love it. Thank you for tonight, Seungwan-a." He said with teary eyes. I chuckled and hug him. I was going to say that he's not imagining things, but I stopped myself on doing it.

|end of flashback|

I've been telling myself that I have had moved on, but everything that I do won't accurate to those things that I believe. Ughh, I'm such an hypocrite.

Honestly, I'm regretting that I didn't repeat those words for him. But at the same time, I think that he heard all of it. I don't really know...

Also. it's been weeks since I started to avoid him again. I don't know why am I avoiding him when he don't actually heard it. He even called me a few times last week but I've been ignoring it. Well, not actually all because I did answer the second call. 

Maybe, he already felt that I'm distancing myself again. It's not all because of the last words that I said. I know where I stand, he's still engaged with an actress though he don't acknowledge it, but still I don't want him to get in trouble. That's all I can do for him.

Right now, I'm just laying down on the sofa. It's already 9 in the evening. I can't sleep for some reasons. Then, I decided to listen to some music. Coincidentally, it plays Insomnia of Stray Kids. I heard it before, and it's really great. 

When the dark night makes everyone sleep, when they fall asleep
I can't sleep because of so many thoughts
Just expecting to come up with an idea
I wait until the morning sun wakes all up, wait

When I turn off all the lights, when I set the alarm
When I'm tired, worries come to my mind
When I look back on my day
What should I do tomorrow? What? The alarm rings

It's complicated, don't worry about everything
When I wake up, everything will be gone
It's following me, even in my dream
But everything will be forgotten

For some reason, I felt sad because of the song. Well, it's not really because of it. The part where like once I wake up, my worries will be gone. I somehow just hope that it can.