Leather Jacket Girl (girlxgirl)

Chapter Fifteen

I knew that I needed to stop being so disheartened over this whole Emmy situation. If she was going to move on then I was going to have to find my ways to move on, too. It was what I did. I was a strong soul and I knew that I had a strong ability to get through anything that I needed to. However, if I knew anything from my eighteen years of existence, it was that love could really hurt your heart. The thought of Emmy one day no longer needing me truly did hurt. I guessed that I was going to have to try to work through that, though, one little step at a time. That would start with me asking out Courtney. 

I wished that didn't seem like such an anxiety-inducing concept. Well, it didn't so much as seem like it. It was an anxiety-inducing concept but I knew that it was also one that I was simply going to have to work past if I ever wanted to move on from this damn crush on Emmy Rose, my best friend. 

I believed that part of the reason why I had ever been so drawn to her was because we become attached to the first person we grow feelings for. Emmy was the first girl to make me realise that I had always been attracted to girls more than guys. She had been my first kiss on a drunken night out a few years ago. She wasn't just some girl. She was the girl. The girl that I was going to have to let go. 

The problem was that realists were the kind of people who would give up on dreams like this and I had never in my life been a realist. I had only ever been an idealist, which was the hardest thing to be in the whole world. 

My brain kept ticking away with all of these thoughts until the one and only Oliver Brown approached me on the grounds. 

"Hey Phoebe! Are you okay?" he asked me. 

The thing with Oliver was that he didn't seem like the other athletic bros that I had seen in the past. He simply seemed like an all around kind guy that I could trust. 

"Can I talk to you about something, Oliver. Bear in mind that if you ever tell this to anyone then I will...actually, I probably won't do a lot. I will cry though so you can't tell anyone, okay?" I asked him, "Not even your dog," I told him. 

"Sounds serious. Alright, deal. I won't tell anyone. Not even my dog," Oliver agreed. 

"What can't we tell anyone not even a dog?" Kian asked, as he joined the two of us. 

"I'm gay," I blurted. 

"So am I," Kian said, as he raised an eyebrow at me, "Is that what we can't tell anyone? I'm confused," he said. 

I didn't really blame him for that. I hadn't even meant to say that. I had just been lost at what I could tell the both of them. 

If I had told Oliver then that was one thing to deal with, telling Kian was a whole other story. 

Fortunately, the bell soon rang out which meant that I didn't need to tell either one of them anything at all. Hurrah! 

"So, we won't get to find out?" Kian asked, "You can't just leave us hanging like that, Clarke." 

"I can," I said, as I began to walk away I called back to them, "And I will!" 

The two of them gave slight shakes of their heads in disbelief. 

I simply continued to walk on. 

I walked away from the school until I got to the same cafe that Lois had been working at before. Coincidentally enough, she was working there today, too. 

"Hi Lois," I greeted her. 

"Oh hey...what's your name again? I know Emmy and you're..." she trailed off. 

"Phoebe," a voice said but it certainly didn't belong to me. 

How on earth had Courtney Allen just showed up here? She just waltzed in here with no prior warning. She seriously was one of the most unpredictable women that I had ever met in my life. 

"Oh, joy. My ex," Lois teased, as she winked at Courtney. 

"I'll have a hot chocolate," I said, "What do you want?" I asked, as I turned to Courtney. 

"I'll pay for myself," she said coolly. 

Alright. I tried. I think it was about time that the ground sucked me back up now, though. I was ready for it. 

Courtney grabbed her drink as soon as it was ready and went to take the window seat. 

I swallowed down my anxiety and went to take a seat at a table nearby her and quickly realised just how stupid that was. 

I stood back up from my seat and made my way over to Courtney to sit down opposite her. 

Courtney took a nonchalant sip of her drink, before her eyes met mine with this bored look in them. 

"Do you have to sit there?" she asked me rudely. 

"I want to be your friend, Courtney," I said. 

"It's too bad I'm not interested in being friends, then, isn't it?" she asked me. 

"Wait, are your commitment issues that bad that you can't even commit to a friendship?" I asked her. 

The light shone upon Courtney then and I noticed how cold her blue eyes looked as they stared back at me, only for a moment, though. They soon glanced back towards the wooden table that the two of us were sitting at. 

"Exactly! You catch on quickly," Courtney said with sarcasm, as she finished off her drink and made her way out of the cafe. 

I swiftly followed suit. 

"We would make great friends. I already know it!" I said. 

"Well, it's too bad that I would rather not hold hands and sing around the campfire, isn't it, Clarke?" she asked me. 

"Isn't it just?" I said and simply exhaled as Courtney turned on her heel and walked away.