Leather Jacket Girl (girlxgirl)

Chapter Forty-Eight

I felt as though time had frozen. The only thing that was worse was the fact that Courtney didn't even appear remotely angry at me. She almost looked as though she had expected something like this to happen from the get go.

"Phoebs?" Emmy said from behind me.

"Sorry," I said quickly.

Courtney walked out of the cafe and I followed after her.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

Courtney seemed entirely too detached when she replied.

"I'm fine," she said.

I knew that this was just a front. She wasn't 'fine'. If she had heard what I had said, which I believed that she had, then she certainly wasn't going to be 'fine'.

"I'm going to go home," Courtney said.

"We should talk about this," I replied.

"Well, I don't want to talk about it. I'm going home."

I should have expected her stubbornness to return. I couldn't exactly say that I blamed her.

"I...there's a reason why I distance myself from people, Phoebe. I just didn't expect this to happen with you of all people," she told me. She grabbed a cigarette out of her pocket and lit it. I sighed. She simply narrowed her eyes at me.

"What are you going to do? Judge me for smoking? I only really do it to piss my father off even more, if I'm being honest. The man's a total dickhead," she said. Courtney's eyes met my own and I swallowed. I didn't know what to say to her to make this better. I didn't know whether I could. Between her dad being a, well, nuisance and me having said what I did...it was safe to say that Courtney wasn't having the best afternoon.

"I suppose it wasn't helped when I was such a difficult child and now I'm such a difficult person," Courtney said. "A difficult person who is pissed off," she added, as she began to walk away from me.

I swallowed and followed after her.

I knew that she didn't want to talk to me right now, especially not after what she had heard in the cafe shop. However, she was my girlfriend and I intended for that to continue to be the case. The sun was continuing to set, the sky was growing darker and the air around us felt cold. I doubted Courtney would be offering me her jacket any time soon and I couldn't say I blamed her.

She sat down upon a bench nearby and I walked over to join her.

"Of course, I suppose I can't even be that surprised by all of this," she said, as she met my gaze with a hardened look upon her face. "You have always liked Emmy, Phoebe. That was why you even wanted to date me in the first place. Who am I to you? Who was I? Just the random new girl. You don't need me, Phoebe, and you have never truly needed me." Courtney's jaw twitched then and I felt my stomach twist uncomfortably in response to her words.

"You don't need me, so why don't you go and return to your friends?" she asked me.

I gave a slight shake of my head.

"They probably don't want to talk to me right now," I said.

"I can't say I blame them," Courtney said, "You can be sort of naive, you know that?" she asked me.

I nodded in agreement. That much could be said.

The sky continued to darken and I felt as though Courtney's eyes were darkening, too, in her deep contemplation.

"You know why I say that you don't need me, Phoebe? It's because I can't understand how you could need me, when all of this time...I've needed you," she whispered, as she bit her lip. "But I don't need you right now, so go away."

"No," I replied.

Courtney raised an eyebrow at me.

"It wasn't really a question. I wasn't offering you a choice, Phoebe. You love Emmy, right? Go be with Emmy," Courtney said, "I'm going to go steal my dad's motorcycle and get the hell out of this town."

I felt more concern develop within me at her words, then.

"Courtney...please stay here. Please talk to me!" I said, "I may have loved Emmy at one point but she's just my friend. I got upset because...because I'm stupid. Also, Lois told me that she knew you better than I did and I got mad because..." I felt my fist clench up a little then, "Because I want to be the one who knows you better than anyone else! I want to know what makes you smile and whether you like pancakes with your syrup or with blueberries and whether you sing in the shower...I want to be the one to know all of those things because you're the one person who is important to me, now, Courtney. You are my priority now," I said, with a kindness in my voice that could be found within my generally concerned tone of voice.

"Really? The way I see it, the truth is that you loved Emmy and I was just...someone you settled for. Why on Earth would you like me, let alone even having the possibility of loving me, Phoebe? I drive people away. It's what I do. I drove Lois away, didn't I? I'm just your second option. The B team. So..." she trailed off.

I gave a shake of my head, as I felt my eyes sting.

"So, we're done. I know the truth and the truth is that you deserve so much more than me," Courtney said, as her eyebrows furrowed together slightly in what I could only imagine was anger.

"Did you even listen to anything that I said?" I called out to her, as she began to walk away.

Courtney didn't turn back, as she replied, "I'm sorry, Phoebe, but I'm not interested in hearing it right now."

I felt as though my heart had shattered into thousands of pieces, as Courtney continued to walk away from me.