Leather Jacket Girl (girlxgirl)

Chapter Fifty-Four

Several days passed by after my conversation with Emmy and I wished that I could say that Courtney and I had resolved everything since then but we really hadn't. Courtney was still avoiding me. She was avoiding talking to me, looking at me and probably even thinking about me, although she had little control over that last one. The sun had sadly disappeared from view, as the dark clouds moved to cover it. 

It was such a dreary day but that matter had little to do with the weather and more to do with the fact that Courtney wasn't talking to me. 

At least, she hadn't been talking to me for most of our art class. I guessed that I should have expected as much. She was always a creative person and that was something that wasn't going to change in a matter of seconds or due to the fact that the two of us were currently not on the best of terms. I wished that we were okay. I hated not being able to talk to her as much as I used to but I knew that it was something that I was going to have to get used to. It seemed impossible to do that, though, especially when I had developed such strong feelings for Courtney. There was a part of me that hoped that she still had feelings for me, too, but this was something I couldn't hold out hope on. 

I didn't want to initiate conversation out of fear that the last thing Courtney wanted to do on earth was talk to me. It was ridiculous. I had these feelings for her and I didn't know what to do with them anymore. All I had ever wanted to do was show Courtney my kindness but I didn't think she was interested anymore. 

"Yo Phoebe, are you actually going to do any work this lesson?" Courtney asked me, with a playful glint in her eyes. 

"I uh...do you want some colouring pencils for your work?" I asked her, as I offered the box I hadn't used. 

Courtney raised an eyebrow at me, in her amusement, then gave a shake of her head. 

"I don't believe so," she said. 

It didn't surprise me that she had got so much more work done than I had. She had always been the more artistic one! I also had to say that I admired the fact that she was getting so much work done during a time when the two of us had been struggling. 

I tried to get some work done but it wasn't long after that the bell rang out. 

Courtney and I made our way out of the classroom and surprisingly, she waited for me. 

"Hey," she said. 

"Hey me?" I asked. 

Courtney scoffed. 

"No, I was talking to Mr Invisible behind you. Yes, you, Clarke," she said. 

"I didn't know whether you wanted to talk to me. I thought you would just go off and do your own thing like you usually do," I said and then winced at my words. I hoped that hadn't come across insensitively. 

"No," she said, "I wanted to talk to you. I... had a talk with my dad yesterday and the two of us are on slightly better terms, which means that I'm in a slightly better mood. This is a rarity, so embrace it while its here."

I gave an understanding nod at her words. 

"You talked to your dad?" I asked her, as the two of us made our way down the hall. 

"I did. I told him how it was bullshit that he was being such an ass to me. I told him that he needed to stop being so...him, you know? He has a gay daughter who loves another girl and he's going to have to learn to deal with that," Courtney said and then her eyes widened, as she realised what she had just said, "I meant...could love. That's what I meant. You got what I meant. Don't take my words and run with them." 

I felt a small smile appearing on my lips but I didn't say a word. I had waited for a while for Courtney to talk to me again and there was no way that I was about to ruin that.  

"As much as I can be independent, when I want to be...I missed you, Phoebe," Courtney whispered, as some people walked past us and looked between the two of us with curiosity. Nothing to see here, just regular lesbian drama.  "I missed you and I accept that things might be different now but if there's one thing that simply won't ever change, then that is my feelings for you. You mean the absolute world to me, Phoebe. You always will." 

"Friends again?" I asked her. 

Courtney's lips twitched up. 

"Girlfriends again?" she asked me. 

I felt as though my heart might burst in my chest but I managed a nod. 

Courtney stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me and I felt as though my eyes were leaking again. 

When Courtney took a step back, her expression softened and her jaw didn't seem so tense anymore. 

"You're so sensitive," she teased. 

"I know. I just really missed you," I said, as I felt warm again. 

"It didn't make sense for me to go on not talking to you anymore, Phoebe. You're always going to be there. I'm always going to feel the way that I do. I don't see that ever changing," Courtney said. 

"I know. Me neither. I want to be with you," I replied. 

Courtney wiped at one of the tears under my eyes and then smiled a sweet smile. 

"I need to be with you to feel perfectly okay," Courtney said. 

"You do?" I asked her. 

"All this time, you thought you had to rely on me but no, Phoebe, I was relying on you. It's always going to be you," she told me. 

I simply exhaled in relief, as I stepped forward to gently press my lips against hers again. I felt perfectly okay again.