The things I'd like to say

words

Words make me be heard,
or that's just me being louder...

Words make me stronger,
or that's me carrying the heavy groceries
and the burdens that I shouldn't carry. 

Words show me the path,
but then why do I follow the concrete sidewalk?
Why do I walk in the places many have taken?
When did I want to pave my path into the cold world?

I lost myself and words show me glints of my emotions,
I lost the dream I have been chasing.
Was it her I was chasing after?
Was it the person I so desperately need to be?
Or was it both?

I've changed so much in less than six months,
I've let go of the carefree child I still should be,
I let him in the dirt slowly fading away.
And I carry the burden of knowing I failed myself,
when I still have a long way to go I feel like I have reached the end of the road.

I look up to you knowing that you'd soon be like me when the age hits,
and you'd notice I was an adult when I barely was hitting puberty.
You'd notice the topics I touched I talked them with you to prepare you,
for the pain to come.
but did you notice I had eyes for you?

I did,
but not for the body guys dreamed of,
but for the thing that was underneath it.
Joy.
The joy that I still had a road to cross when there wasn't any.
your childish self saved me,
your childish self did something I would do,
talk someone out of the dark thoughts,
even if it meant I plunged myself deeper into the abyss.

I saw that your childish words gave me hope,
and more words to help the hole that needed to be covered.
I laugh a true laugh when I hear those words again.
I cried silent screams when you said a five-letter sentence,
but yet I flew when I knew there were no air brakes.

A simple sentence that saved me,
Wronged word phrasing but it saved me.

Those words gave me hope you loved me even if I was too busy swimming in the pool,
Filled with self-hatred and suicidal thoughts. 
I started to get out of the pool and dry myself.