The things I'd like to say

'

I've been in blues,
looking for clues.
to where the joy is.

There probably isn't any near me.
I think I kill the joy before I even see it.
It hurts to see no reason to be walking in this world.
but I still walk on it do I not?

I like being near infants.
at least their innocence and joy can't be killed at the moment.
I'd like to have one of my own.
but not a single girl has shown the intention of being that long with me.

I've wondered if life is just making me go through a phase.
but then a phase doesn't last 12 years.

So what is it that makes me unapproachable?
What is it that I need to change?
if it's my maturity then it is best if I'm in a grave.
I can't change that.

but I can change my point of view.
What good does a person seek peace but brings trouble?

those are the people who had been hanged back in the ol' days.

Just because America is a country of freedom and rights,
it doesn't mean that racism doesn't exist here.
It hides in the shadows
as I hide in the shadow of a caring brother that never existed.

Who's shadow have I been hiding in?
I doubt it's mine,
but that's fine.

I'm a ghost.
but then why do I get noticed?
I'm just another menace.
but then again people still talk to me now and then.

I'm just simply a casket.
empty but needs filling.
Who is it that can fill me up to my natural self?
Probably in my 30's I'll bump into her.

Guess I'll have to wait and see the rumors flying,
and I'll keep on fighting.

but right now?

I just want some me-time.
even though I had enough of it.

I think I need a hand to reach out for.

I'm no saint,
my soul has been tainted since day one,
and there's no way to clean it.

I'm no one to look up to
because I'll give off a bad vibe.
I can't help it.

I'm far too corrupted to be accepted by God,
Even he has to turn people away.

And most of all...

I'm not a savior,
even if I show up in the time when someone needs me,
I'll be gone the next moment and leave something broken.

I'm something that simply exists.
I'm just a broken version of myself.