The things I'd like to say

Mother

You know as the woman who gave life to me,
you should've loved me and cared for me,
or at least showed some sort of affection.

But I'm fine without it,
but do know that after all, you did I forgive you.

I might still kill you but I forgive you,
It's your fault I don't know how to love someone the right way,
It's your fault I hurt as many people as you had when you got deported,
and you were what?

40-50?
and I'm only 14.
that says a lot in less than a paragraph.

I still might have nightmares of grabbing your hand and putting it on the stove and 'set to high',
as you did to me,
I still have nightmares of wrapping you in blankets and tying you with the same rope you lashed me with,
as well as giving you a few lashes along with it,
it's your fault I won't hesitate to kill someone,
if iI won't hesitate to kill you,
what makes you think I'll hesitate to kill someone I am friends with?

You said it yourself,
'Trust no one,
there are no such things as friends,
and if they are, where are they to help you?'

So I might be a hitman when I grow up.
or something as cold and merciless.

I held my head high when I talked someone out of those murderous thoughts,
but thought to stab me when I hurt them.

funny isn't Woman?
yep, I said Woman,
you don't deserve to hold the title of Mother,
because teenage girls are like you,
slapping and harming,
you may be old but you still are a little girl,
You might've given birth to seven kids,
but remember that two of them died the same while they were with me in the womb,
but that doesn't make you a mother.

You have to be born as an infant to be a girl,
You have to be a girl to be a teenager,
You have to be a woman to be a mother.

and you didn't pass the third stage until I made you leave on that plane because you were not from here.

Not to rub salt in the cuts you made yourself,
but the salt was my tears which you caused,
remember that if I come across you,
I won't even bat an eye to make that wish of you dying in the place you called home.
but that doesn't mean I'll hunt you down.
but that won't stop you from hunting me down.

I will prove to you I am not a human being to underestimate,
and may the thing you called God give mercy if you hunt me down or send someone to do the job. 

Because I won't,
Because you were the one who killed God when I was still pure,
Now, I am alone, no one to pray to, no one to hear me, no one to raise me.
I am raising myself because of your irresponsibility,
I think I'm doing a good job at that,
much better than what you did at least.